Not The Blogging Type

Food Headache...

2012-01-09T20:43:00.002-06:00

Or I guess it's a no-food headache.

I don't know why I get a headache when I don't eat enough. I will get the normal stomach growls and hunger feeling, then it's like it all disappears from my gut and goes to my head.

I've been cutting down on my food intake this week, well today is the first day I guess. Anyway, I cut all sugar from my diet, and I think that is what is causing me this head pain. Could I really have withdrawal from chocolate?! It has been a constant food group this holiday season...

I told one of my co-workers that she should watch out for me on Wednesday. It is day three of the cleanse and the worst day of 5. It's like your body starts to hate on you for the lack of yummy treats and wheaty things. And you start to wonder "Why? Why am I doing this to myself?" And the only time you actually feel "good" is when you're sleeping because your brain is turned off. And even when you try to ignore it, the cravings turn into anger. You know you can't have that juice, or that piece of fruit and the frustration of it starts building up inside. And sounds start to annoy you, and people start getting on your nerves, then you snap at your husband for saying something totally normal!

"I want to do this". 24 hours ago it seemed like a sensible thing. Now, I'm questioning myself. Do I really need to lose a few pounds? I'm not fat by any means. I wanted to feel healthier. Or did I just want to shed my unwanted love handles before Cuba... I guess both.

I think I'm starting to understand that I have the weakest will in the world. I complain about my pudge a lot, and when I finally kickstart a change I can't deal with the sacrifice; food. It's not that I'm obsessed with it, but I love, love, love certain things. Bread and chocolate, and apple juice, all of which I can't have for five days. Four days. I think I know I'll feel better about myself when this is all over with, but I'm not happy right now.

But don't worry dad, I did get my heart rate up today, and Neko's happier for it.

I just want. And I don't need. Four days. Me and my gut are frustrated.

morning post

2012-01-07T11:31:00.003-06:00

I've noticed that my way of thinking in the morning is vastly different than at night. I really do like blogging later in the day... I don't know why really. Maybe I need to warm up, or let my day sink in... whatever.

Anyway, it's been a while! The Christmas/New year holiday was great. It was fun and oh so satisfying to be with the ones I love most in the world, and eat and drink and be very merry :) If I could just live in a perpetual state of holiday season for the rest of my life, it would be like heaven for me. And it doesn't seem to be ending for me! Just a couple weeks ago we booked an All Inclusive trip to Santa Maria, Cub

a (well, the island of Santa Maria) and I am SO excited! There is a part of me that feels guilty for doing all inclusive. It's just a little excessive, and maybe I am being selfish. But I guess I'm paying for it. It will be fu-UN though. Here is the list of people coming so far: Justin and Nicole, Melodie, Annika, Leia, Corrie, Daryl, Bec, Tom, Nick and I, and Cam P. It's gonna be a part-ay!!

Anyway, I have to start thinking of what to take. I don't usually overpack, but I'm so excited this time!! Nicholas will keep me in check. We're leaving in 13 days! Anyone else want to come? You're welcome t

Cuba Trip of 2012! Yay!

Baby OPA

2011-12-07T15:58:00.003-06:00

My older sister Pam and brother in law Don had their first child one week ago today. He is a healthy boy, born at 6:51am Nov 30, 7lbs 6oz, 20 inches long and his name is Oscar Peter Amero :)

As I'm sitting at the computer and thinking back a week ago to this minute, I was in a very, very different setting, with emotional highs and lows, tired and hungry and worrying. Right now I'm warm and comfy and looking forward to lounging around tonight. All this week I had flashbacks of, well a lot of gross stuff, and beautiful stuff. Watching my sister give birth was one of the most interesting and beautiful things I think I've ever seen, although, the images my mind captured that day would tell you otherwise...

I was liking the idea of having a baby, thinking that this year would be the year Nicholas and I would try for one. Well, after this experience I think I might put that on hold... Haha. But seriously, it's probably going to take me longer to recover from this than Pam. But that's a whole other blog topic. For now there are enough babies going around to satisfy my cravings, and I'm sure I'll be ready when the right time comes.

So to Pam and Don: Congratulations on a beautiful boy. He came into this world in a dramatic entrance (got that from his dad...) And he's already the joy of all our lives. He's even got Nicholas swooning over him :) I can't wait to see him again, and again, and again.....

ps. I'm going to let Pam post pictures of her son first. Only seems fair.

I Will Try Again

2011-11-25T22:31:00.005-06:00

I read some of my old blogs recently and when I finished reminiscing, I realized it has been a year and a half since my last post. I thought that was sad until I realized that nothing has really changed since that blog... We are still working on our house, Neko is still maturing, I'm still not quite sure if I'll take my music to the next step... and I'm STILL working at that cafe.

But, even though it is getting colder outside, and we are only just heading into long winter months, I still feel a new life of blogging ahead of me. And I ambeing a little dramatic; a lot did happen in the last year. A marriage, a pregnancy, a CD release.... There is and will be lots to blog about! And I have missed my "Ode's To..." So in honour of my new found blogging and the Christmas season approaching (and the special day that it is) here is:

An Ode To Black Friday

Oh, shops, full of stuff

full of people running wild

Did you forget what you were looking for

when you stepped on that child?

Or was that flat screen TV the best of all deals?

I only hope you can afford all your coming Christmas meals.

It sickens me to see all this stuff we think we need

and that a "lady" will fight

and pepper spray will proceed

hair pulling and screaming just to get that "special" thing

I don't want any part of it

No more gadgets that go 'bing'!

I only hope that this Christmas we'll remember what we should

People we love, food that is shared, laughing with friends

All things good.

Oh, black friday,

we know you mean well

but you come straight from he-- Oops!

Happy Christmas Shopping everyone!!

IT'S ABOUT TIME!!

2010-04-20T16:34:00.002-05:00

So, what is new?

Well....

1. The house reno's are going well, doing a lot of outside work right now getting our yard into shape and using the great weather wisely! We hope to do siding in the next couple of months and get a lawn growing. It's coming along! ( I would post pictures, but it doens't really look that great right now...)

2. Neko (the dog) is growing up, slowly... I accidentally hit her with our car, but she is fine. I didn't hit her that hard... It just scared the crap out of me : ( I feel really guilty!

3. I got a job at the Grace Cafe downtown. It's good, and fast-paced. It's only part time, so I continue to work with Don and work on the house in my spare time. I will be in the studio next month to record some vocals for Don's next album! It's gonna be his best yet!

4. Hm... Don't really have much else going on... I'm looking foward to the summer, hopefully getting away with Nick and relaxing for a bit, but we'll see!

5. I'm sorry this isn't a funny/interesing post! More to come... hopefully!

More Pictures than Words...

2009-12-01T08:27:00.003-06:00

Well, the last week has been a blast. Saw Becky after a month without her, performed at an awards show with Donald, where he WON!! Best Male Artist of the Year! Yes!

We hung out with some good friends and had some really good times.

(I know my words have surpassed the number of pictures I have, but whatever.)

(Also, I can't organize pictures in this blogger thing, so you're gonna get a bit of my week Momento style... haha)

So, the last thing we did: Played a great show in one of the oldest standing churches in Toronto with the Great Wooden Trio and Mike Janzen. Good night.

My new boots. So cool. So cheap. Nick told me not to buy any more shoes for the remainder of the trip. Fair enough...

Oh yeah... I was trying to be a rockstar before the show... Successful?

Us hanging out in our dressing room! We had our own showers and toilets! And we were only two doors down from Buffy Saint-Marie.

This is what I wore to the awards... there is actually a picture of my all dressed up on the red carpet a link on Pam's blog. Go check it out!

okay, so the first day we got there we went shopping at a mall, and since I had been up at 5 am that morning, I was much in need of a coffee. So we stopped at this cute little place!!

This was on our way to our hotel/my reunion with Becky picture! lol

So, this is on the plane from Calgary to Toronto. Just thought it was a cool picture... I love clouds.

And last, but actually first, waiting for my flight to leave in Calgary. (For those of you who don't know, I was in Saskatoon for a week previous to this, but WestJet has close to NO direct flights to Saskatoon from Winnipeg, so every time in or out of Saskatoon, I had to stop in Calgary first, which is only 1 hour and a 1/2 out of the way. Yeesh! So silly. Calgary was not in my travel plans for this trip, but I ended up going there twice! Crazy....)

These are just a few pictures of my week... And My sisters are soon to join Becky and myself to go down to NEW YORK in just a few days!! I will probably have to make a video of all those pictures... but Christmas might pose as a distraction, so no rush on that!

Happy first Day of December everyone!! Go and get your Christmas Tree!!!

cheers

Saskatoon, the city of bridges...

2009-11-24T13:32:00.005-06:00

Or so my father tells me...

Funny story: Kelsey grew up in Moose Jaw, SK , and as far as I know there is no river there. So, she was telling me when, as children they would come to Saskatoon to visit family, and she and her younger twin brother and sister were actually frightened of driving over bridges! haha.. This is funny to me because I grew up in Winnipeg with the Red River and there are plenty of bridges.

That was a GOOD story.

Here are the things we did this week!!

Had A LOTA lattes. haha

Here are some now!

Went to Mendel Art Gallery to see a John Henderson exhibition.

There was also a movie of short stories that we watched...

Here is the movie!

Kelsey trying to be Me. and I was not happy about it. Obviously.

Us cooking together. Mulligatawny Soup. Yum.

Two fish out of water, and weird ones at that.

We tried to be rockstars, but I was wearing sweat pants.

We were being silly.

That's just a little of what we did... we had fun!!!

Thanks for tuning in!!

caio!

Saskatoon!!

2009-11-21T14:56:00.002-06:00

So, I'm here in saskatoon with KELSEY!! MY SUPER BFF!

We are having fun, buying second hand clothing eating REALLy good food, and seeing a lot of cool things. I also went to work with her yesterday, and it was fun! She's a life guard and I like being around someone who could save my life when in need. Yes.

AND we are going to go to an art gallery tomorrow and hang out with great people this week! Our throats are raw from talking so much, and we haven't even skimmed the surface!! I love my friend Kelsey, I'm so happy to be here.

So, that is Saskatoon so far, and I'm really enjoying it! It's kind of like a week long sleep over/slumber party! But I am also looking forward to TO and NY coming up.

So lots of love to you all! And I miss you all!!

cheers

okay, okAY OKAY!!!!!

2009-11-18T20:49:00.002-06:00

So, here it is,

Everything you want to know:

The house is good, we are working on it day by day, piece by piece, and it is slowly coming together. Really can't wait until it is finished... I really want to have an open house, but it's not done, so I feel weird inviting people to my "half-house". One day, one day.... I will have you all over!

I have been doing a lot of gigs with Don lately! This year, I've almost been across Canada with him and it has been busy and good! Edmonton, Calgary (not for music, but there), Toronto, Montreal, Quebec, Halifax, the Pas, and many other places. It's been amazing to see our great country and even more amazing to be able to spread the goodness of Dons music. And THEN the awards! So fun. I am so bummed out becuase I am usually a really good picture taker, but I was so distracted by bright lights and cameras that I actually forgot to take a picture of MY DRESS!!! I was quite mad at myself, so please, keep your frustrations to yourself. When I get home from my trip, I will dress up, make up hair and all, and take pictures of my dress and me.

Talking about my trip... SO, I'm leaving, early tomorrow actually, first to Saskatoon to see my very VERY good friend Kelsey. We haven't seen eachother for over a year so I'm SUPER excited to see her!!
So from there I fly to Toronto (this will my third trip there this year... crazzzzyy) And there I do another awards show with Don in Hamilton, which will be so FUN! THEN, my dear sisters Corrie and Pam, will fly into Toronto and we will all drive down to NEW YORK together!! Yay!! This is going to be the trip that will go down in history!!! I'm pretty excited. The only down side to this is being away from Nick for three weeks... this has been the theme of 2009. I always leave him and see the world... without him. It's sad. He has, however, started a new job recently, and he's really happy about it. So that should be good. I will miss him a lot.

THEN... I don't know what.. um Thanks to everyone for the comments. They made me feel special, even thoguht they were border line mean... I guess I'll just take what I can get... ha ha.

And Brandon was pretty fun, but I was REALLY tired... My friend Lisa was visiting from Halifax and she opened for us that night. She was so good! I'm glad she came out with us!

So I think that's it. I really will try to post some more.... I have a lot of things to talk about I guess. But I need to make sure people will trust reading my blog again.

Thanks everyone : )
Sometimes I think my life isn't really that intersting, but I know it is.

I'll post some pictures next time!

My first post from our little home...

2009-07-28T13:45:00.003-05:00

So... our house is finally liveable!

We moved in on Saturday, and it's a kind of excited, kind of overwhelming feeling... There is still a lot to do, and living in a project is both easy and difficult; we don't have to travel to work on the house, but there is still a lot to do before we can can come home to no work.
Nick and I are super happy to have our house as our home now, though our living habits will have to change once again; we can now put our travel kits aside and unpack for good! It is a great feeling, but it will take some getting used to.

I don't have any pictures yet of the latest finishing touches, but I will do a mini photo montage of the past couple of months leading up to our move in. It's been a long time, and it's strange to look around this place, remembering what it looked like (and smelled like) when we first did the walk through... Where I am sitting now, was where all that crap from the ceiling fell out when the took the drywall down... It actually moves me to tears, looking back at all the blood and sweat that was poured into our little house... I have been falling in love with it over the past couple of seasons, and it's amazing to think of all the memories we already have here for having moved in four days ago.. haha!

Now we can truly call it home, and it's a great little start for me and Nick. It's an accomplishement and a time in our life I will not easily forget. Thanks to everyone who helped. You have a special place in my heart! But it's not over, so don't be surprised if we call you for help!! Haha...

Pictures will come next week!

the name of my blog should probably be changed to: It's Been a While...

2009-06-23T08:44:00.002-05:00

I know... I'm terrible at keeping this thing going...

But instead of pictures of the house today, I have an experience to share.

I had to drive Nicholas to work this morning, and it was earlier than I normally get up, so I was a little tired. I dropped him off, then proceeded to reward myself with a "I got up early today" treat... Starbucks... (I know, sad hey?) haha....

Anyway, the Safeway on Fermor and St. Annes is always a great little stop on the way to GNF (I'm filling in for Pam this week), and I really like that nobody is at Safeway or the little internal Starbucks that early in the morning. I often go there. Anyway, I wasn't really in the best of moods, being tired and all, and the fact that it was warmer outside at 7:45am than it was in the grocery store... I was looking forward to my Grande Vanilla Soy Latte very much.

So, I stepped up to the counter and while another customer was being served, I looked down to see a piece of paper with drink orders written on it. I thought someone may have left their garbage behind, but then quickly realized all the drinks were written in different handwritting. So I studied the Starbucks worker behind the counter, and she was quietly going about her business. She was a little bit different looking, but really pretty and sweet too.

Anyway, when she did come to serve me, she just sweetly smiled and pushed the paper and a pen to write down my drink order, and it pretty much took me until then to realize that she was deaf. And as we communicated silently, she did her thing and I watched and waited. And I couldn't help but think, me being a person of many words, how nice it was just to smile and gesture to a stranger and share the silence together. I didn't really feel like talking anyway, and the fact that she was so sweet made it very easy to enjoy being around her.

I realize that maybe being her friend, or family would be a very different story, but as a girl serving coffee, it was by far the best experience at Starbucks that I've ever had. And I didn't even catch her name, but Starbucks girl, you will never guess that you made my day today!
Thank you.

Fun-day Monday on Wednesday!!

2009-05-13T16:47:00.003-05:00

So Becky and I (about a week and a half ago) had a fun-day monday. Anyone can have them, but they have to be recorded and shared much like this one, or they don't count! HA! Just kidding.
But seriously, how would you know if we had fun if we didn't show you?

So here it is! Enjoy:

New Pictures of the house!

2009-04-30T21:39:00.003-05:00

Thanks to all those who care enough to read this blog... sorry I'm not more bloggy...

Anyway, here is the latest (and I mean the latest) pictures of the house. Things are going well and we might be in in less than a month!! Yay!! (fingers crossed...)

Okay, faithful readers...

2009-03-11T12:36:00.004-05:00

So the reason why I haven't updated my house pictures is because it's been pretty slow. We are starting to rebuild now and the house is starting to look more like, well, a house.
So here's a little picture collection to show where things are at.
Enjoy!

Happy New Year!! And as I promised, more of the house...

2009-01-01T16:45:00.005-06:00

Sorry it took so long, but here are the pictures from DEMOLITION DAY!!!

We had a lot of fun, and our house is getting closer and closer to being done! Though it doesn't look like it from this video...

The House!!

2008-12-04T14:34:00.005-06:00

For those of you who dont' know, Nicholas and I bought a little house in Winnipeg!! YAy! And it needs a lot of work, and we were planning on fixing it up so it's like new, and it will be. (with our fathers on the job, it will probably be better than I think it's gonna be... : )

Anyway, here's a little video... the house as it was...

(tune in next time for Demolition day!!)

I forGOT about BLOGGING!!!

2008-11-05T15:11:00.002-06:00

haha... wow.

I'm really not a great blogger. I signed up on Facebook recently, and between that and mine and Nick's 4 combined emails... I keep myself too busy on the computer... so sorry.

Well life is much the same as I left off. I have recently joined Don Amero as a back-up singer. I guess that is new. We toured western Canada, showcased at a couple of festivals. That was pretty fun, but tiring. I'm glad to be home, with Nick and doing silly mundane things like cleaning. I really like to clean, when I get into it. But it's something I can just get into and not think about. So usually there isn't that much of a mess. (this is not always true, I have my moments!)

So that's it. I'm really happy right now, and busy, and fighting a cold, but that's life.

I keep forgetting to tell people...

2008-07-17T11:38:00.004-05:00

I'M AN AUNTY!!!!!!
and I am very happy. VERY happy : )

this is my new nephew Samuel Owen Van Aertselaer

(I'll have better pictures later!!)

Kim Van-wait a second!

2008-07-15T11:40:00.007-05:00

HA ha... no.... My name is not Kim Vanwaitasecond... silly me.

I AM NOW KIMBERLY OOST!!!! BUT NOT LEGALLY YET!!! I CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE DENTIST YET!!! AND I NEED TO!

Holy cow! What a couple of weeks!

For those of you who weren't there, the wedding was awesome, kind of bitter sweet (if you know what I mean) but better than I thought it would ever be. I guess I should stop being so general and just get it out; okay. Nick and I planned an out door wedding. It would have been beautiful, but as it turned out, it rained the whole day before, like, A LOT or rain, we're talking puddles over the ankle kind of rain.... Then it rained all night long and into the morning and in the process flooded out the Oost's back yard where the wedding was to be held... So sad... : (

BUT THEN! After I cried, and mourned all the work and thought that had gone into the wedding, I got up, got dressed and went to get my hair done and tried not to cry again. And I didn't! Until I saw Oma Oost, twenty minutes later, and then I cried a little, but then I stopped.

wow. that was a great story.... it was even better in real life...

But seriously, Nick and I were so amazed by how things turned out, we wouldn't have done it any other way, and I mean that. And we got to stay at the Fort Garry Hotel the night of our wedding and had LOTs of GREAT

sleep. Those pillows are amazing!

So that's it. We are married, and I think we've learned that we can only plan so much in life, but when God wants something else for us He'll let us know, and give us the love and support to enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who helped us with our wonderful day. Love you all.

5 DAYS!!!!

2008-06-23T10:35:00.004-05:00

I woke with a start this morning with OH MY GOSH! WE ONLY HAVE FIVE DAYS!?!

IS there something I'm forgetting about? I Feel like I'm going to forget something...

Anyway, as soon as my sleepiness wore off, I was okay again. I keep experiencing little bits of anxiousness and it stresses me out. But what ever. It was expected.

Nick and I are actually really happy right now. I thought that I would be stressed out and then he would be less patient with me because I was stressed out, but it's the opposite. He's been a real sweetheart lately, which puts my anxiousness at peace. I love him....

okay enough sappiness, I know...

Well, that's about how I've been feeling all week, so hopefully it continues. This will probably be my last post before the wedding. This is my only slack day this week; tomorrow it's my Grandma's birthday and Becky's Dinner and Dance for Grad, then Wednesday is Bec's convication, and then Thursday we start with the wedding prep. The week will fly by, I'm sure.

So, for those of you travelling to our wedding, I'm praying for safety and looking forward to seeing everyone! I'm really excited, and the weather this week looks amazing! Bring your sunscreen! and see you all IN FIVE DAYS!!! (or sooner :)

This painting was painted by a turtle. It's called "New Beginnings". And seeing as I'm about to have a 'new beginning' I can relate to it.... (ya right..)

One step closer!!

2008-06-11T21:31:00.004-05:00

So we found an apartment!! It looked like we time traveled to the late 70's walking into the place, but it's not bad for a first apartment (and hopefully the only one).

Anyway, a great load was lifted off mine and Nick's shoulders today when we signed those papers. It's not easy finding an apartment right now in Winnipeg and we were cutting it pretty close by not pinning one down at this point in time. But it's all over now, and we couldn't have found one if it wasn't for the great help we had (you know who you are, F and A...) thanks :)

We get possesion on July 1st, but we might actually be able to move our stuff in a few days before the wedding, which would really be great. So if anyone wants to help move us in... I'll let you know when.

I think Nick and I are off to a great start. We have awesome families, who are supporting us like crazy, and great friends who are helping us take our first step to our new lives together. I was a little stressed out the last couple of days, but I just had to remind myself that I'm definitely not alone in my worries.

Thanks to all who remind me to breath and have fun :)

And thanks Nicholas for all your love and patience.

This is a quilt!! Isn't it amazing?? I just thought is was so suiting...

It's been a while...

2008-06-09T10:07:00.004-05:00

... and I'm due for a post.

I guess I have come to the conclusion that I am not a true blogger, but whatever. It's the lat thing on my priority list these days...

Anyway... I've had couple of busy past months, and now I'm doing nothing!

I worked for two and a half months, during which my Grandpa died and my Grandma moved into our house, as well as trying to start planning a wedding... I know I'm a bit of a sucky, but this was all a little bit stressful. So I gave up my job to plan a wedding and help my mom at home(which, I regret to say, hasn't been that much) for the last month I live at home.

That's kind of where I am now. It's been kind of a weird, good time.

So, the wedding planning is well on it's way, but we still don't have a place to live. We need to get on that. This post had been kind of all over the place, but I'll be more fluid...

It's raining right now, and it's not quite summer yet, so here's a painting called "spring rain" by Beth Robinson

I'm back!!

2008-03-04T17:11:00.003-06:00

Okay. I now realize that I've lost a lot of my blog readers, which is sad, but very understandable. I have not been very interesting of late...

But do not fear!! I have my inspiration back!

It's almost spring time and that makes me so happy, even just the thought of it.

I was in Moose Jaw last week visiting Kelsey, and very close friend, and we went to the spa and we went out for coffee everyday, and we bought ourselves things we didn't really need and tot top it all off, the weather was above -5 C. the whole weekend, which always lifts my spirit at this time of year. I was truly happy to be there with her.

I realized last weekend that even being away from your everyday life for a few short days can really change the way you think about it. It dawned on me while sipping hot coffee and eating biscotti with someone I loved that I am really blessed. Seeing my life from literally the outside, made me think long and hard about where I am in it, at this moment, and one thought kept creeping into my mind, over and over again:

I'm content;

I love and am loved, deeply;

I have a family that supports me in every way (almost two now...);

I am connected to a community of people I can trust and have real, wholly relationships with and be blessed through them.

What more could I want?

I complained a lot about winter this year. I didn't like the cold nights, I didn't like the cold days. I didn't like my cold feet or my tense neck muscles. I hated sitting in freezing cold cars, I hated how even the sun was cold. And then I didn't like how I was thinking; cold, negative thoughts...

But then, a change. The weight lessens. The sun begins to produce heat again, the days are warmer. My neck relaxes, my face bares a smile. I walk past icicles dripping, and look around at people in sweatshirts and feel better. I am more relaxed and care free. I'm happy.

If I didn't go through those dark cold months of winter, I would never appreciate spring this much.

Motivation? 0%

2008-02-07T22:45:00.000-06:00

motivation. i currently have none to write a post.

i'm sorry to all those who come out to enjoy the show. i am boring.

there are no real excuses, so i will not bore you with them.

but i will bore you with two double chins and a kiss!

Oh Man It's Been A While!!

2008-01-12T21:35:00.000-06:00

Well, what can I say?

Christmas was great! Food was terrific! New Years was great! Food was terrific! And I miss Eggnog!

Okay, I'm not that obsessed with food. I am, however, obsessed with the fact that I can't eat anything anymore... this is a gross example, but about 4 years ago I used to be able to eat a BigMac, Super sized meal at McDonald's no problem. Last night I had some McDonald's and all I could eat was 1 cheeseburger, half of my medium fries and half a coke. And I was almost puking after that.

And that's a bad example because I don't actually eat that much McDonald's anymore, but I can't eat a lot of any kind of food, healthy or not. It's kind of good because I feel pretty healthy, but I don't actually know if I'm getting all the nutrients and carbs and whatever else I need to really be healthy...

Anyway, that's enough about that. I do actually have an announcement to tell you all:

Nick and I are Having a Coffee House!!!!

We are excited and I hope you are too!

There will be great desserts and beverages,

Super cool live music,

And awesome silent auction prizes!

Anyway, it takes place

Saturday February 16, 2008

Good News Fellowship Church

And starts at 7:30 pm!

So, I know it's a bit early to be telling you all about it, but I have to get the word out! And you should too. Tell all your friends. The Theme is Valentine's and it is sure to be a good night of eating, drinking and being merry!

Tired? At Christmas time??

2007-12-22T12:27:00.000-06:00

What? Am I 70?

Usually at this time of year I am relaxed and caught up on my sleep, and anticpating Christmas Eve and Day. But today I am tired and not really relaxed and trying to figure out who's house I'm going to and when, and "helping" (quotation marks for my sisters) to plan a service while practicing for and playing with Don and my Dad every day this week! AND I'm still not done my shopping!

The gigs that Don fixed us up at were actaully really fun, but they take most of my energy, and three nights in a row is sure to waste anyone.

Anyway, I'm not going to actually relax until Christmas day, which is fine, but that's a little less then a week away... So, I'll take a short break in blogging, about a week, then I'll have great stories to share!

So until then, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

Ode to Egg Nog

2007-12-13T09:09:00.000-06:00

well more like a farewell...

oh, egg nog.
smooth, creamy egg nog.
i will miss your rich flavour,
and comforting scent.
i will miss the joy you bring me
during this cold and dark winter.
as you sit in the fridge,
longing to be consumed,
i will, with much regret, close that
fridge door and try to live without you.

there will be times, yes, that i can
enjoy your delectable taste,
but one sip here, or one sip there is now
all that i take of your lactose-filled goodness
without having to pay the price
of no tolerance for you....

oh, egg nog!
this is my farewell
to drinking litres of you and enjoying every
last drop.
you will be missed,
but i know that i will one day take the pain
for you;
i will endure the consequences for your
soft, creamy satisfaction,
just to have you once more.

until then, farewell (sniff) egg nog.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2007-12-03T11:22:00.000-06:00

I was driving home last night and all the Christmas lights on most houses were lit up and reflecting in the freshly falling snow... it was beautiful. I am surprised how every year I feel the same goofy, happy excitement flow through me, and it's never less than the year before.

Then I heard that the weather people say this is going to be one of the coldest winters yet. And if that's true, I know all I will remember this time next year is not my cold toes or harsh winds, or frozen locks, but my warm house with pretty lights, the wonderful scent of pine throughout the my house, full bellies, kind words, beautiful carols sung by my family and chocolate..... mmm Christmas chocolate is the best.

so with all that said, there are only 12 days left until I am free to indulge myself in all the above, and I hope it's not too long for the rest of you too...

Happy early Christmas everyone!

ohhhhhhh...... myyyy.......

2007-11-19T08:22:00.000-06:00

so. driving home from minneapolis last night I was trying to relax and listen to jack johnson. I was trying not to think about the day before; the confusion, the stress, the anger, stupid second guessing, the gas that was wasted, not to mention the time..... if you have ever been lost before, I'm sure the last few sentence gave it away. anyway, back to jack johnson, the song "staple it together" came on and in one verse he says something like 'hate is such a strong word', and I would agree with it. and I also try not to use it unless I really mean it.

as of right now, I HATE MINNEAPOLIS.

I'm sorry to those who live there who probably think of it how think of my home city, but I have never been lost like that before. I'm sure that all my sisters will be blogging about this (and others who had similar experiences recently...) and all I can say is I will mostly agree with them on their rantings.

it will be a while before I go back, and all I can sum up from my tired mind are these little sayings...

BLAST YOU 694!!!!!

BLAST you FRANCE AVE!!!

BLAST YOU WHITE BEAR AVE!!!!

BLAST YOU 100!!! BLAST YOU ALL!!

oh and Snelling..... a BIG BLAST FOR YOU!!!!!

and for me sisters,

memorable quotes, from our weary and over wrought heads:

kim - "Hey look! Gas!" (<- meaning geese)

pam - "It would really suck if there was a highway on this interstate..."

cor - "I. Hate. John. Martin. Ave."

kim- "Oh tiger snails, zebra muscles, same thing..."

(and my favourite)

bec- "Yea, like, they don't have a skunk skwak--skwak--!"

and.... one lesson, of many, we learned:

'don't buy milk shakes on road trips... bad things happen...'

new coat! new coat!

2007-11-08T10:17:00.000-06:00

well this was on sale and I really liked it, and I kind of needed a new one... kind of... but it was on sale!

anyway, I'm very happy with this purchase. I don't usually blog about the things I buy, but this was all I could think of at the moment.

I definitely don't look like that underneath... or let my mid rift show like that... or put excess amounts of lip shiner on, and I try not to take pictures of myself with my head cut off, but that's the jacket none the less. And I like it.

Ha Ha! I have conquered!

2007-11-05T10:44:00.000-06:00

So, for all of you who didn't see me crying about this at church, I have lessened my load at school and feel about 88.7 times better than I did before. And just to clear up a little confusion, I didn't quit school altogether, I just dropped two out of the six I was taking, which is why I have the feeling of conquering something.... my own stubborness.

I don't feel that my decision is taking the "easy way out", on the contrary, actaully. I need to finish this degree in my own time, with the skills God has given me. I was lacking energy, and motivation and love for school, and I am just really tired of being at Prov. for so long; 3 and a half years (for someone who doesn't really enjoy "school") at this college is getting to me, and I need a break.

And on the brighter side, I have a wedding to plan! and songs to write! and music services to organize. All things to which I have passion and love and joy for! So why not do those things now? when they are so prominant in my life? School can wait for me, and I can wait for it. The thought of having a piece of paper with my accomplishments on it is cool, but for now I have most those accomplishments up here (I'm pointing to my head)!

So that's it. I feel great! and it's a Monday... go figure...

I think I'm happy.

monday, monday...

2007-10-22T11:23:00.000-05:00

woke up with headache and puffy eyes.
forgot breakfast and lunch.
made my carpool wait.
don't feel prepared for anything this week.
nick leaves in 6 days.
not a great start to a busy week.
why shouldn't I be happy today?

A Cyst-Kabob!

2007-10-18T12:54:00.000-05:00

Ha ha...haa.... Hmm. I guess that's not so much funny as disgusting...

Anyway, I don't think many of you knew that I had an MRI a couple of weeks ago to look at my lower back at two discs that have, as far as I know, bulged out enough to put pressure on my sciatic nerve that is causing me numbness in the underside of my left leg, to put it shortly.

So, I got the results today and the doctor bascially told me what I just typed for you above. BUT, (there is always a "but", it seems) He also told me that I have a cyst on one of my ovaries. He called it a "Functional Cyst". I didn't really know what that was all about so I didn't ask the doctor, of course, I turned to the Internet in my quest for information! Google and Wikipedia to be exact, and found this:

Some, called functional cysts, or simple cysts, are part of the normal process of menstration. They have nothing to do with disease, and can be treated.

And here are a few facts about ovarian cysts: (some of you may not be interested...)
-An ovarian cyst is any collection of fluid, surrounded by a very thin wall, within an ovary
-Most ovarian cysts are functional in nature, and harmless (like, in the forest?) ha haa....
-Ovarian cysts affect women of all ages

I was told that this is not something to be worried about, but that it would be wise to get it checked out to be safe, of course. So that's what I'm going to do. And I'm not worried, I'm actually worried about the way I must get it checked out... ug-ghh...

ANYWAY... that's what's happening in the wonderful world of Kim.

prayers are welcome.

it just happens to be a thursday... and it sucks.

2007-10-11T10:41:00.001-05:00

Getting up out of bed is becoming increasingly harder every morning. I got up today and the sun hadn't risen yet, and when it is still dark out and I have to wake up and start my day I basically have to convince myself every minute that it actaully is morning and I need to start doing something to get ready for the day even thought it looks like it's midnight and I should be in bed. I hate this time of year only for that reason, so much so that I would write a crazy run-on sentance and not even care what Cynthia or Corrie think of it.

When the frick does the time change happen now?
This time change thing is stupid.
I wish I lived in Saskatchewan.
I'm grumpy today.
And I'm hungry.

thanks and giving

2007-10-09T11:34:00.001-05:00

the time of year came and went again: thanksgiving. it was good. I ate too much, did too much laying around, and sleeping, but it was all very restfull. my family and I were at the cabin and it was probably the worst weather I can remember for Thanksgiving weekend, but it did force me to be unactive which was good for my back. But then I got a bit sick, so I had to be unactive the rest of the weekend...

anyway, I had two dinners to go to, which were both delicious and pleasing. I love food, and I love family. Thanksgiving is just like Christmas, but without presents (which I kind of like for a change) and it was especially like Christmas last night when on the way home from the Oost's it starting snowing! you should have seen the faces on Nick and his dear brother. I thought they might cry they were so excited....

so, that was my thanksgiving; I didn't do a lot of giving this year, but I sure did a lot of thanking!

I wish I had some pictures to show of my relaxing weekend, but I'm afraid I didn't take any pictures. however, one of my sisters did and hopefully she can post an AWESOME blogy blog about what we did on our "Thanksgiving weekend Inside" (hint hint pam...)

Loonie

2007-10-02T16:42:00.000-05:00

Today I found a loonie and I was fairly surprised at my reaction to the situation, or lack thereof. You know when you were a kid and you saw money on the ground? I used to be so excited when it happened. One time I found a five dollar bill and thought I had gone to heaven...

But today, I was not at all overjoyed to find a loonie on the ground in a parking lot, mind you I was late for a class, but usually I'm genuinly excited to find any kind of money.

Then I thought, When did I become so boring? My reaction was like this: "Ooooo..."

And "Ahhhhh..." (Both with a hint of sarcasm)

My reaction should have been more like this: "HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!! I FOUND A LOONIE!!! DID EVERYONE SEE THIS? A LOONIE!!"

But now I'm thinking that maybe I was so numb about the whole experience because I just spent 200 of these pretty little coins on textbooks in the last month and now this loonie just seems so... insignificant. And I can't buy much with one loonie any more...

Oh well. I'll spend it anyway.

Moral of this story: It doesn't matter if you are excited or not about someting you found, just take it and use it and be happy you got something for nothing.

This never gets old...

2007-09-27T16:10:00.000-05:00

well maybe, but I'm not sick of it.

(watch only if you have time...):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9Kty0DXD-8

If you ever want to see a guy vulnerable, just get him to fall in love with you

2007-09-21T12:54:00.000-05:00

ahh... back to my old self.

I love paintings. I can lose myself in one and it's meaning... what was the artist thinking? feeling? experiencing? that would lead them to paint such a thing...

Today my painting is called "The Kiss".

Painted by Edvard Munch in 1902.

It's kind of hard to make it out, but the pose and even just the act itself is portrayed as so delicate, which I think it is (hense my post title).

I don't think I've ever seen a man so vulnerable as when he is in love with a woman.

I also love how the atmosphere around them is almost non-exsistent, just a blur; nothing else matters.

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” Emil Ludwig

Have a good weekend everyone!!

The Date

2007-09-15T11:54:00.000-05:00

I think Nicholas and I have actually set a date for our wedding. We had kind of settled on June 2008 as the month, but now a day has been selected! Yay. June 28, 2008. I think that is a nice date. Nick nodded when I asked him, so I guess that means he's alright with it...

If you are reading this you'll probably be invited, so book your calendars now! Yay.

On a different and more of a "feel sorry for myself" note, I don't know how many of you know but I have been having lower back trouble for a while, starting with a couple of slipped discs that started to pinch my sciatic nerve. That injury was well on it's way to being healed, when I thought a canoe trip would do me some good. It was a great trip, but not as "good" for me as I thought.

So, I came home with a badly pinched sciatic nerve with pain and numbness all the way down my left leg. I know, wah wah wah.... But anybody who has ever had trouble with their sciatic nerve will be sympathetic to me.

IT SUCKS.

When I went to my chiropractor for the second injury of the summer, he looked me up and down as I gimped into the room and said, "You've really done it this time, haven't you?" Thanks. Thanks a lot. He then preceeded to tell me I was too young for this to happen to me, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, it's still numb, and I have no movement in my two smallest toes on my left foot. This is very frustrating. I do actaully feel like a Gimp. Becky has taken to calling me Gimpy and I'm pretty okay with it. Some days are better than others, I don't feel that much pain anymore, but the limp in my every step is just a constant reminder that I actaully am a Gimp...

I'm doing everything the doctors told me to do; taking anti-inflamitories, do daily stretches and just trying to keep positive. With these things in place, recovery time is any where from months to over a year. Yay... : ( not really) Although, I haven't been praying about it. I don't know why not, it just seems like it's going to get better. Simple-mindedness must really frustrate God. But I would like to ask for prayer for healing, even if it's just once and a while when you remeber. I would really appreciate it. I will try and do he same.

So, the "feel sorry for myself" part was longer than I expected... But none the less this was a better bloggy blog than most.

I guess I'm set

2007-09-13T09:45:00.000-05:00

So.... Lo and behold, I have entered the realm of the cellphone owners, kind of. I have to say, I never thought that I would own one but as I held it in my hand this morning I found that I do.

It's a nice one, free with the plan of course, no extra "features" as they call them. I'm going the cheapest way I can with this one.

Example: Yesterday I was on my way home from school when I thought, Why don't I call my Mom at home to see if she needs anything fromthe store while I'm still out? But because it was before 6 pm, and I knew that Nick (the buddy of my plan) was at my house at the time, I called his cell to ask my mom if she needed anything from the store, to save on daytime minutes (because virtaully every phone call between me and him are free) (*buddies!!). I'm so smart.

this is what it looks like...

but not that tiny, it's full size.

Anyway,that's my news for today, must go do more important things like learn.

School? Again?

2007-09-05T14:37:00.000-05:00

Oh boy...

Today I registered for my last semester of college, I hope..... haha.
It was nice to know that I never have to do that again, or at least
for a while. I'm just ready to be done.

Classes start tomorrow, so here goes nothing.....

I'm ENGAGED!!! to NICK!!!

2007-08-13T11:01:00.000-05:00

Ha ha... I thought I would make it very clear...

Anyway, we are very happy and letting it sink in for the moment...

And here's the ring, for those of you who haven't seen it yet:

And the story that goes with it is just as simple as the ring itself,

which is very fine by me. The way Nick asked me was very 'him',

simple and funny. We had just finished watching Tortilla Soup (a

cute little movie...) Then after a short bathroom break I took,

I returned to the couch to watch CTV news (how exciting, I know.

this is a very typical night for me an nick... not that I'm complaining)

And if I would have known that he was going to ask me to marry

him when I was returning from the washroom, I think I would have

noticed the hint of nervousness that he was giving off... but I was

pleasently surprised when he popped the question. And then I

started laughing like an idiot, and then even more so when he

gave the unopened box to me and said, "So....um... Will... you marry

me?" Ha ha.. it was really cute actaully, except for my annoying

laughter in the background, which I'm sure made him even more

nervous...

so that's the big story, not a lot of 'romance' but very much the

way I would have imagined it to go. Oh, and I forgot the part

where he was going to put the ring on my finger and jokingly

started to slip it onto my index finger, which made my nervous

laugh even more enjoyable to listen to....

that is the happy story

and the beginning of our happy story...

Yes, I am lazy...

2007-07-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

I am so not up to date on my bloggy blog.

Nothing new really...

Folk Fest was great, had fun, no crazy burn this time.

Working a lot still, but it's much more boring now...

it's 35 degrees out today. I'm just sweating sitting here

typing this. pretty gross, but I love it...

that's it. too hot. need water.

Young Performers....

2007-06-18T20:32:00.000-05:00

well, it's been a long time since I blogged about anything... but since the last update on my life I have been excepted to the Young Performers program at FOLK FEST!!!! YE HAWW!!!

anyway, I'm super excited! And starting to get nervous... so I have to get with it and practice more than I have been... which is not a lot at the moment, but I do have 91.2 hours on my last pay cheque!! haha... time well spent. oh ya my job at the greenhouse is going very well, I'm having fun, and the people I work with are really great and the people are what usually makes or breaks a job, so that's good!

so that's my update. and if you haven't yet, check out myspace at:
http://www.myspace.com/kimvanaertselaer

bye bye!

MY SPACE

2007-05-17T09:33:00.000-05:00

I caved... I thought I was never going to have a myspace... but low and behold.... i have one.

and you will all be happy, because I put my music on it.

oh and Tina, you can finally here that song I wrote for Nicholas
it's the first one that will play!

hope you all enjoy it! more to come!

http://myspace.com/kimvanaertselaer

SO

2007-05-01T18:10:00.000-05:00

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm turning 21 !!!
so happy for me...

and I started a new job and Ron Paul's Garden Centre
it's really good.

my back is slowly getting better
and that's really good too.

I'm also applying to the Young Performers thing at Folkfest and am thoroughly excited. I hope something good comes of it
and this is also really good.

so that's all really good...

good.

Good-Bye Milk (*tear)

2007-04-10T08:52:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to blog about this, but I found out the
real cause of my bloaty-gas-erupted-spleen thingy.

Turns out it's not really bad gas.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Double frick!!

Anyway, I'm thankful that it's not anything worse, but it still sucks.
I really love milk so much and every other dairy product out there.
And I can eat and drink dairy products, but I have to take a pill
before I do, and I can only eat and drink so much of it.... it is not
very fun.

So, below is a cartoon of "me" (with short hair) wearing my
grandma's sweater:

What it doesn't show is the next frame of "me" throwing the
yogurt across the room and crying...

oh boy ohboyohboy...

2007-04-05T08:44:00.000-05:00

So, back from Ontario.

Had a great time.

Drank a lot of wine.

Here's me and Nick at the wedding

And here's Nick how I know him

blog?

2007-03-29T20:51:00.000-05:00

bloggy, blog, blog blog. Blog blog blogger bloggy blog blog. blog, bloggy blog blog blogger blog, blog blog bl-og! bloggy, blogger blog blog bloggy blogger. Blog!

I'm so alone.....

2007-03-20T21:02:00.000-05:00

and bored... and sick of school still.

so I made a whole bunch of countdowns:
(sorry bec and cynthia, I have no problem with
writing a list of 11 items, though it might bug you)

0 days until spring!

10 days until I go to ontario!

14/15 days until my parents and bec come home!

17 days until my next day off! ( I mean holiday)

34 days until I'm practically done school! yay!!

37 days until John Mayer!!

38 days until my friends Paul and Jeanette get married!

42 days until I start work!

43 days until my 21st birthday!

93 days until the first day of summer!

AND 107 days until FOLK FEST!!! YeHaW!!

that's it.

back to school...

2007-03-13T15:13:00.000-05:00

So I'm back at school and even though I have tons of work to do and to catch up on still... I'm doing pretty well.

here are some random
things that happened recently:

- I got a job yesterday at a greenhouse. I start May 1st! yay for me!
- There is this girl I go to school with that looks sooo much like Maggie Gyllenhaal,
it's wierd.

that's all.

Kim's Week-O-Fun!

2007-03-08T09:54:00.000-06:00

Okay, so here's what happen so far during my Week-O-Fun
(aka. reading week...)

number 1 NO Homework! AAAHAHAHA! (yet...)

number two SLEEPING IN! aaaahahahah... okay that's enough of that.
but I don't really like sleeping in too long, so nine o'clock is good good.

number trois Went to the Spa... ahhh..... nice....
no really, I got pampered the hell out of and I loved
every second of it. I had my first massage (emphasis on the MA)
and my first manicure, which was fantasico, and topped
it all off with a pedicure. lovely. I chose this really cute purple
for my toe nail colour... ya.

numero 4 Got a new pair of glasses, well frames... man I wish I could
show everyone what they look like... no camera. Anyway, you'll all see
them soon! they are this colour and this colour.

numbre fiveeo Got some killer deals at the mall when shopping with
Bec on Tuesday. But the best part of it is I bought a new pair of jeans
from bootlegger for only $10.00!! And they are a size 28!! and I fit
them!! A size 28!!! what the heck!?

so that's my exciting listio. yay spring break !

okay, so long story short...

2007-03-02T13:34:00.000-06:00

yesterday woke up with bad gassy feeling
thought, oh not again...
ate some breakfast
then took two extra strength GAS-X (life savers really)
then about an hour later, no change
actaully I was feeling worse than before
then I called Pam for some moral support
she laughed at me
so I went to the only place that could comfort me:
the internet
found out that I might have an enlarged spleen
(but I'm not a doctor,and I try not to be a hypocondriac)
so I worried for about half an hour
then I thought, hey what is out free healthcare for anyway?
so I went to the walk-in clinic
with all these fears of enlarged spleen
and thinking horrible things like splenectomies...
turns out I just have bad gas.
really bad gas.
it's making my back muscle sore on the left side.
very uncomfortable.
kind of embarassing.
now I wish I had an enlarged spleen.

YaY fRiDaY!!

more than one a week!

2007-03-01T10:05:00.000-06:00

so I realized that for the last two weeks I've been posting once a week on fridays... which was unplanned and wierdo a bit... so I decided to stop it today. with this post. right now. there.

so anyway...I only have one day left before my reading week break. and I'm happy, but I'm sick. ad I still have a lot of work to do. soI'm experiencing a bitter sweet feeling about all this...

Oh, here's a good story: This guy came and tuned our (well, mostly my) piano. And now it's beautiful sounding. There's nothing like a freshly tuned piano. Although, have you ever listened to a piano being tuned? It's a pretty cool experience, just being there. I don't know... there's something about hearing each string slip slowly back into perfect pitch, that is almost cleansing in itself. I have a theory that it could be used as a theriputic method.... haha. anyway. that was a great story.

week by restless week

2007-02-23T11:25:00.000-06:00

so, one week ago today I was feeling awfully sorry for myself and felt time passing ever so slowly. but then when I checked my blog for comments I found that it has been a whole weeks since my last post and found it interesting that in my real life time can feel just s l o w. but in the sweet, unrealistic and carefree world of blogging time has passed quite quickly. something I have a hard time understanding...

but thinking ahead to next friday, I will be in a state of complete bliss and carefreeness and relaxation; reading week. ahhh.... just the though of it makes me happy... almost serene. I don't think I have ever felt this way about a spring break before. I hope I don't pump it up so much and then dissapoint myself when it comes and it doens't live up to my expectations... I have to be careful. but my change of mind from last friday to today and thinking about next friday is surprising, and lifts my spirits.

but now I know I am just experiencing the "TGIF" feeling, and it will wear off tomorrow, when I remember all the homework to be done and things to catch up on... yes... tomorrow will be sad. But tonight. Tonight I will forget about my academic life and do whatever the crap I want. HA!

that's how I rebel.

this is my feel good painting for friday.

to get the full effect let the first song play while looking at the painting:

http://myspace.com/hem

LONG LONG LOOOOONNNNGG week...

2007-02-16T12:40:00.000-06:00

I'm so glad it's friday. man, this week has been long.
my schedule this semester is so spacey that at the end of one regular week, it feels like two has passed, but hasn't really... time is just moving so slowly for me at the moment, it's almost tortuous.
and my shoes are stinky. I just started to smell it. yuck. time for new shoes.
well that's all I have time for today. can't wait to sleep in tomorrow and do nothing for at least a few hours...

Oh Valentine's Day...

2007-02-14T11:17:00.000-06:00

Well. What can I say? I'm wearing pink and red today; two colours I wouldn't usually wear together on a normal day, but I am festive.

So, this year I am glad to say that I am doing well in the "love department" (oh puke, I can't believe I just typed that... oh well, I'm not going to hit the backspace button a million times...)
But, four years ago today (for some reason or another) I remember being alone all Valentine's Day night. It was sad. And I was sad and alone, and the only thing I could do was sit down with my old eighty-eight key friend and express my sadness... I think this is was came out of it:

sitting alone in my empty house
with nothing to do
waiting on someone who never calls
why would you?

there's nothing for you here
you saw that first
sitting alone in my empty house
with nothing to do...

Anyway... I sure captured that moment. ha. good times.

But now that I'm in love I'm sure if anything comes out of me today it will be happy and all lovey-dovey, blah, blah, blah... I'm not even doing anything special tonight with Nick, I think we're watching a movie. yay. I might get some chocolates. We'll probably eat them all. yum.

Happy Valentine's Day!

songwriter?

2007-02-08T09:09:00.000-06:00

so. this has been my thought process for the last few months:
I write songs. I also write music to go with these songs. I want to make a CD. I don't have any money, and very little time to spend on all this. what if people don't like my music? what if people are critical of my writing? i might take it too personally if people don't like my music. I don't have a lot of confidence, but I know that when it comes down to it, my music is really all I have to express who I am; to express the "me" that not even my sisters see. so what do I do? start? with the little time and money I do have? put everything I have into this thought? that seems too scary to me. i don't want to do it for the wrong reasons either... what happens if I do make a CD and then it stops there? sure family and friends might buy it, but what about people who don't know me? will they like me? will they like my music?
I was reading Cynthia's blog yesterday about her worries for Abbi. I don't know what it is like to have a child, obviously, but of what I have learned and heard about it, it has become an analogy for this CD project. as a woman (and man...) creates a child, I will create this CD. with love and care and support from others I will put a lot of myself into this CD. through the whole process of writing the words and music I will begin to nurture this project and begin to give a part of me to the world. much like when a baby is born, so this CD will be released and subject to the criticisms of those that listen, and I will have made this part of me completely vulnerable to the world and its sometimes hateful eyes. And not only will I be worried about what people think about my creation, but I will worry about what they think of me, the creator... will I be liked? will my CD make a good impression? will those who witnessed me making it have criticise the way I did it?
like a woman has her first child, this will be my first CD. I don't know exactly how to do it! I will say, "Please don't judge it! Don't judge the way I made it and how I cared for it, and put my very self into it! This is a part of me! You judge it and you judge me! This is my first one! I don't know what I'm doing!"
some people think it comes so naturally... the words.. the music... and it does to a point, but then I have to step out of my comfort zone and open the door and try not to let anything bad in while I let the good out, and give it away. when a mother lets her child out of her safe arms and allows it to be subject to the world, it can hurt, the child and the mother, and I'm so afraid of what could happen with my music if I lay it out there for everyone to pick at. after all the time and energy and love and sweat and tears and all of myself I put into it...
I know I can't really compare this to a child, and I could never relate to Cynthia's worries at this time in my life. I'm just nervous, and I want to do this the right way, in the right timing. I just don't think I'm ready right now.

Seriously...

2007-02-06T09:10:00.000-06:00

I'm sick of school.

2007-02-02T11:15:00.000-06:00

Yay! Friday!! I saved my favorite Monet for friday. It's called Water Lillies.

I think if I had a cd I would use this painting as the main artwork, or background on my cd,
I like it that much... but then I 'd have to come up with a theme... and then have all my songs relate to it somehow... an underlying message, you know, it would have to be a positive, mellow message and then I'd have to top it all off with a killer title... somethin that make a person look twice and want to open the cd, or turn it over... hm... that's gonna take a while...

here's the painting for you to look at while you're waiting:

2007-02-01T23:39:00.000-06:00

wow, thursday with 9 min left to it. that was close.... too close...

it looks very familiar to a painting that was in my piano teacher's house, when I took piano lessons of course, and I always liked it, I always wanted to walk along that bridge and look into the water... and maybe spit? I don't know... what else do you do when looking over a bridge?
anyway, I think I realized this actually wasn't the painting that I remembered after all. Ah, how I love pointless stories... they are the story of my life. and there's another one.

anyway, here's thursdays painting:
title: Water-Lily Pond, Green Harmony

2007-01-31T22:58:00.000-06:00

wednesday, wednesday, wednesday! my day off, out for breakfast, chat with my new bank manager "Cheryl", and a date with my nicholas. this day off gets a 9/10 (only due to the slight awkwardness during the conversation with my new bank manager "Cheryl")

anyway, here is the monet painting for wednesday

(I tried to find the name of the piece but couldn't

find it anywhere... but I like it so much cause it

reminds me of my sisters)

2007-01-30T09:24:00.000-06:00

tuesday's painting "The Highway Bridge at Argenteuil"

week of monet

2007-01-29T15:15:00.000-06:00

this is monday's painting called "Sunset in Venice"

little to none

2007-01-24T10:18:00.000-06:00

I don't have much to blog about today,

but I woke up to the snow falling ever

so gently, and it was beautiful and quiet

and started my day off wonderfully.

oddly enough, yesterday my day was

started off with laughter. I don't know

if she felt the same way, but me and

Becky shared a laugh, and I'm not used

to laughing in the morning, but I should

do it more often becuase I was unusually

happy all day. I hope she was too.

here's a picture that'll make you laugh...

ahhh...brings back memories...

2007-01-15T21:59:00.000-06:00

painful memories, but good ones.

thanks cynthia!

a little bit random and out of place.

2007-01-09T11:29:00.000-06:00

that's how I would describe myself if someone asked me right now.
(becky put it so nicely yesterday, I thought I'd use it)

so anyway, I wrote this song last night, and the piano part
is like nothing I've ever written before.
kind of a mash between Rufus's 'Moulin Rouge'
and one of the themes from Amelie.
but it's pretty cool. I'll play it for you sometime...

(and I've never actually done this before, but I wrote
this song with the pure intention of being for someone.
nicholas, it's completely about you and for you with
love from me!)

It’s You

I watched you the other day
And you didn’t know it
All other things faded away
And left you and me
And I fell in love with you
Again

I watched as you laughed and smiled
With those around you
You stood facing me with
Messy hair and blue jeans
Then you caught my eye and smiled
Again

It’s your smile that melts me
It’s your tears that break me
It’s your arms that take me in
It’s your voice that calms me
It’s your love that holds me
It’s you, it’s you that makes me whole

first day back to school? piece of angel food cake.

2007-01-08T13:43:00.000-06:00

Well, this morning I woke up at 9:30 a.m,

made myself some breakfast,

vacuumed the house,

(crap! forgot to water the plants!!)

ran a few errands,

(double crap!! forgot to put the vacuum away!)

then waited for Eric to pick me up for

my first day of school, which consists of

one class starting at 3:20 pm.

rediculous.

easiest first day back ever.

anyway, this is one of my favourite Waterhouse

paintings called the Rose.

my babysitting de-briefing

2007-01-05T10:34:00.000-06:00

for the last three days I babysat/hung out with kids from church, as well as earned money for the europe trip, and it was actaully more fun than I thought it was going to be. I looked after the Peters girls (Amy and Jasmine) and with the giganti pile of snow on the cove near my house we dug a huge fort. I did most of the digging and pooped myself out, but it was fun otherwise, and I remembered what it was like to be a small kid again. and then felt it again the next day when I saw three girls about amy's age on top of the destructed fort the next day, laughing and throwing pieces of it around... ugh... I didn't think I was going to take it so hard, but I was actaully hurt by all my hard work one to waste. but, there will be more forts in the future.

the next two days following this I looked after the Laurendeau's girls (Nicki, Julie and Maddy) which was fun as well. in highschool I used to babysit Nicki and Julie every thursday night for about a year (maybe more) so I got to know them really well then. but they have really grown up since then, and it threw me off a bit at how I now had to be there friend, not a grown up looking after them. it was wierd, but I got over it. We played in the snow together, made pancakes and went skating and to a movie.

And I think I realized within the last three days, that I don't think I could do this all the time. I mean I was wasted everynight when I got home, and I'm really not used to looking after kids, I used to do it almost every weekend in junior high and highschool (well not every weekend, but often enough) Now it's about once or twice a year... but I seriously had enough baby sitting in the month of December for all of 2006 ( I babysat Abbi too, before christmas which was interesting and funny) and it was fun while it lasted, but it's nice not to babysit too.

christmas is still going!

2007-01-03T16:43:00.000-06:00

I got this really awesome cd this christmas.
it makes me feel good, and there are only a
few that really do that for me. I also got
some new shirts, good ones. very pleased.
I was also given a necklace with a moon
stone in it by someone who loves me very
much, and it atually shines a different
colour when in diferent light.

and then I after christmas I went to Pine
Wood Lodge with the Postma's and Oost's
and Visser's; it was amazing. very relaxing
and enjoyable, and finally cold.

and just last week I tried snowmobiling for
the first time, and it was awesome! I wasn't
really sure if I'd like it or not, but I did, and
I want to do it again! soon! anyway, it was
kind of something I was a little afraid of, but
now I'm not anymore, so yay for me!

and this was the first christmas that I was
sick for nearly all of it... kind of poopey, but
it made me apprciated everything more,
like smell and taste and good sleeping...

so back to school in a few days, and no more
laziness. I'm looking forward to it.

2006-12-15T15:03:00.000-06:00

look at this moon I found.

(ha ha pam, I told you what to do... READ THIS!!! haha I did it again...)

for the sucky-poo-poos I call my sisters

2006-12-14T17:48:00.000-06:00

here is my post:

I'm happy to be done school (for now)

I'm excited to buy people gifts

I'm excited to eat a lot

I found out that I really enjoy baking

I had my hair cut and styled today

And even though it was warm out today,
I had one of those "I'm cold to the bone" days...

there, that should make you guys happy

so unimpressed

2006-12-08T14:09:00.000-06:00

today I had a voice recital.
nothing too big, just a few other students
that my voice teacher happens to teach.
so I thought.
it turns out that no one had anything to do
today, so they all came to see the, mabye
8 people who were performing, in this small,
hot drama classroom.
so I was fourth to perform. and for the first
time in a long time I got nervous... and it
wasn't that bad while I was sitting down,
I mean, just the regular butterflies partying
it up in my belly, but as soon as I stood up
to introduce my song, my frickin legs started
to shake! what the heck?! this has never
happened to me, and therefore was the only
thing going through my mind right before I
started singing.
anyway, the song I chose I quite happen to
like singing, so it was memorized; imprinted
onto the very brain that at that moment was
incredibly chaotic; I probably could have
sung it in my sleep. and for this I was thankful.
it's the only thing that saved me.
but the thing was, if I stood up straight, with my
feet flat on the floor (soloist edicate) my legs
had a heyday with this position, shaking all
over the place. it was quite embarassing.
so, there I was, standing on the outer part of
my feet, knees slightly bent singing this Italian
aria... man, if my voice teacher was to have
looked at me when all this was going on, I
don't know what I would have done. I also
really wasn't doing the song justice by that
point and I was so embarassed of how I was
performing that I think I actaully laughed in
the middle of the song! What is that??
and then, right after thinking that, one of my
legs did this little dance all by itself and as I
was trying to ignore it, I saw someone glance
down to my leg area and then look back up at
me with one of those "oh that sucks" kind of
expressions. and then I thought, "Holy Mother
of Pearl! does he see what I'm feeling right
now?!? Is it really that obvious?!"
I think that's when I finished, finally, and the
surprising sound of applause allowed me to
give one more retarded laugh before I went to
rest my poor legs and sit down after such a
terrifying event.
I was so umipressed with myself. and my
legs.

~ too happy for my own good ~

2006-12-06T21:15:00.000-06:00

this week I have been happier than a college student at this time of year should be. it's a combination of a lot of things, I guess, but it's actaully surprising to be this light-hearted in the midts of paper writing and exam preparations, even for me...

in my happiness I wrote this little song... last week sometime...

(there is music to it, but I can't really give you that part in this post)
(it's kind of a jazzy little number, lots of 7 chords, if you care to know...)

if i play my cards right
i'll take you home, if you're lucky
but i don't think that's too likely

you see my poker face
just ain't what it used to be
and i don't win much these days
unfortunately

but i think we both know
that you're already mine
and that this game is just for fun
and i think we both know
that i'm already yours
and that we've already won

but i think with a little luck
and a prayer to up above
we'll be going home together

and no one will have to know
the secret that i withhold:
i've never played a game of poker in my life

but i think we both know
that you're already mine
and that this game is just for fun
and i think we both know
that i'm already yours
and that we've already won

Welcome to the beginning of.....

2006-12-01T09:05:00.000-06:00

* * *THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR* * *

I am happy to announce that it is December 1st and that it is currently 24 days away from Christmas. ahhh... the Christmas season; everything from snow to hot chocolate. I love this time of year, and I'm pretty sure that a lot of my happiest memories stem from this holiday season. It warms the very cockles of my heart.

So here are 12 things I love about Christmas:

1. Spending time with my family. This is the most fun we have all year, I think, and the thought of lounging around the living room with my sisters and brothers and mom and papa after a good holiday meal, sipping hot chocolate or enjoying a candy cane off the decorated Christmas tree, its warm light radiating throughout the whole room... oh man... it makes me feel so warm and squishy inside!

2. Baking. This is very fun. Cookies, cakes, squares! Bite size holiday yumminess! The very thing that is purposely and only for self-indulgence and pleasure! Mmmm... (no wonder I gain so much weight at this time of year... it's just too good) Most of all I love how it heats up our house! Haha...

3. I kind of already mentioned it, but Decorating the Tree. For the past two or three years I've missed this event, due to school and other things... Anyway, I love doing it. And I love the decorations from the 70's and the christmas lights that are 15 years old that get too hot to touch (ya not the saftest thing, I know. Maybe se should look into upgrading to LED for the tree this year...) Anyway, when it's all done, it looks that same as it did 15 years ago: Over crowded and tacky. And I love it!

4. Eating. Oh man... If anyone knows me, that's really all I have to say.

5. EggNog... Mmmm... I'm sorry to those that don't agree with me, but eggnog is so delicious. It just makes the holidays complete. And it's kind of special how it's only sold at this time of year. (oh but I found out that they sold it at Thanksgiving this year. I think that's weird, but I don't complain 'cause I like it so much)

6. Oh!! Singing Christmas Carols! This is one thing that makes me the most excited about Christmas. There is a whole set of songs that are only meant for this season, and we only have like two months to sing them!! Ah! I love it! And then I always get sick of them! But then have almost a whole year to get over it! And then start loving them again!! It's a great cycle. Really.

7. Next comes Skating! I really don't do it enough, and almost everytime I do go I dont' do my skates up tight enough and end up with sore ankles... but it's worth it. I love going at night, when it's snowing and on the warmer side (like -10 to -13, without wind chill is perferred)

8. My family always tries to go to a mid-night mass on Christmas Eve. It has just become a kind of tradition, and we usually walk there together... it's just fun. And who ever goes to church at mid-night? This the only time of the year when I do!

9. If I do it early enough, before all the crazy shoppers get out and all hell break loose, Christmas Shopping I do enjoy. I really like buying gifts for other people, it gives me a lot of joy to make someone else happy.

10. The Care-Free Atmosphere I find, almost everywhere I go. It's sometimes hard to see, but if you look closely at people at this time of year, especially close to Christmas, everyone seems to have this light and happy look to them, even though work and school cn be stressful at times. I think it's the hope that comes along with this season. I mean everyone knows that in three weeks, we'll all be relaxed and with the people we love most, mentally preparing ourselves for the New Year (and we all know that hope is new year's sister...) Anyway it's refreshing to see so many light hearted and generous people around.

11. Okay, I realize that this is a little silly, but who doesn't like Recieving Gifts? I mean, other than having your family and friends around and feeling cared about already, a little something special at Christmas time sure does raise the spirits, if you know what I mean!

12. And last, but not least, but something that sometimes goes unoticed (becuase it's so natural) But the whole Romanticism of Christmas. It is probably the most romantified season (well next to Valentine's Day, of course) of all the holidays and seasons of the whole year. Everything from the hot cocoa around the christmas tree, to lights decorating houses, long walks through fluffy falling snow, laughter, singing, and big family meals... it's all just so magical and romantic, don't you think?

So that's what I love about Christmas. It is the most wonderful time of the year.
*****

Nog's Eve!!

2006-11-30T15:14:00.000-06:00

Tonight I will attempt, for the fourth time, to drink a whole litre of EggNog, as it is the tradition of Nog's Eve. I'm kind of excited, I haven't had eggnog for a long time, and I love it so.

(Nog's Eve is the kick-off to the Christmas Season... very festive!)

oh silly me

2006-11-29T22:43:00.000-06:00

I wasted so much time tonight watching this stupid cartoon called Making Fiends. It's about an evil girl called Vendetta and a sickening, sweet, innocent girl named Charlotte who is completely oblivious to anything close to evil. Anyway, it has it's moments of (I don't know if you can call it) humour, but it really was not worth my time tonight, with pressing assignments and papers to finish before the end of the semester.

But then I though, just think of how much time it took for the creator of this site (and she has two other short- film sites like this one) to come up with all these silly episodes, draw them all, do voice-overs for all of them put them on the stupid site, then design the site with "extras" and other links.... Then I didn't feel so bad about my 45 min. of wasted time...

(no offense to the creator of the site, she probably really enjoys doing stuff like that, but I don't really enjoy wasting my time on it)

thought of the day

2006-11-28T14:31:00.000-06:00

(this painting is called Day Dreaming. I thought it was cool)

while I sat at a computer today trying to do some work, I started thinking about why the crap I was there. I mean, how did I end up sitting in that particular chair at that particular computer, at Providence College?

do you ever wonder about these things? it's like looking at yourself from someone else's perspective, and if I do it for too long, I end up scaring myself a bit. I mean it's weird.

but it's at times like these when I wonder how some people think that the spiritual world doesn't exist, or that human beings don't have souls. how then, do they explain something like this?

when I was sitting at that computer, it was almost like I was floating away, like in a daydream. everyone knows that feeling. eventually you snap back to reality with a tap on the shoulder, or a door closing, and then you realize after that you didn't hear the door open, or that person approach you. it was almost as if your senses were turned off for a while. it kind of freaks me out when that happens.

I think it may have something to do with our souls. I mean it's like my soul was in tuned with the spiritual world for a second and then snapped back into the physical world bringing back my awareness of my surroundings. it kind of brings new light to the saying "wandering soul" for me. my mom has called me that before, and I know that as I kid I would daydream a lot, but what if it wasn't day dreaming? what if my soul was actually wandering a bit, longing to go somewhere new, somewhere away and out of the weak and dirty, stinking thing we call a body? I am aware that that is a little harsh, but isn't there something deep inside that agrees?

I definitely don't know enough about the spiritual, or even the physical world to prove any of this. and I only have personal experiences to go on, probably not enough to support my theory... anyway, it was on my mind today. I didn't actually want to publish this post, but then I remembered that everyone already thinks I'm weird, so there's really no harm. ha ha....

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

2006-11-27T14:44:00.000-06:00

And I'm not!

Anyway, I decided to make a list of the things I am thankful for. Mostly because the Christmas Season is nearly upon us and I have a hard time not noticing the good things in my life, but also after hearing a very sad and unfortunate story earlier today, I realized that even though I have problems in my life and some issues that need to be dealt with, my life isn't really that bad. I have a lot to be thankful for. So in no particular order....

-->THiNGs I aM THanKfuL fOr <--

the clothes that fill my dresser and closet
grandparents far away thinking of me
movies that make me laugh
sunsets that make me feel small
food that fills my belly three times a day
a home surrounded in love
music
the innocent laughter of children
education
our "one great city"
the freedom to express myself
feeling safe while I sleep
a mom and a dad who love me
the fact that I can read
that I can listen and see and talk to people
my sisters, who put other sisters to shame
a church that I can go to in my pj's
a bed that I can sleep in
friends that I can joke with
a voice I can sing with
hands that I can play piano with
a boyfriend that I don't deserve
laughter
love
life

I don't think I can list everything, it might go on for pages...

Okay, so where's the snow again?

2006-11-21T14:38:00.000-06:00

I really thought that the couple of big snow falls that we had were going to stay, but they slowly melted away, not planning to return for a while... What happened there? Winter? Are you coming at all this year? It seems so strange to me that almost everyone has their Christmas lights up covering roof tops and trees and what ever else they put them on. Anyway, it's wierd seeing Christmas lights without snow covering the ground. I mean there's nothing. And it's already getting to the end of November... So I decided to write an

***Ode to Snow***

(sorry cynthia and corrie, I just need more time with the rockets... they mean so much to me, I can't seem to sum them up just yet)

Snow. Snow. Snow.
Pure, white, perfect.
You cover this ugly, dead earth
with a blanket so loving,
each of your flakes unique and beautiful
fall to the ground.
And as each snowflake takes it's place,
together they offer this earth protection and warmth
through the cold and dark season of winter.
You make Christmas complete,
decorating the houses and trees like icing.
You make children endlessly happy
with your banks deep and inviting.
You make the black winter nights
seem lighter and the daytime brighter.
Snow, it would not be winter without you!
Bless us with your abundant flakes once again
and save this season of endless night
with your blanket of comfort, purity and warmth.

But seriously, I want snow already.

Yay! Positivity!

2006-11-20T14:45:00.000-06:00

is that even a word?

anyway, I promised a couple of posts ago that I would list the things that I felt were good about having teeth ripped out of your gums and dealing with the healing process afterwards... here ya go. (but I don't think I can come up with 10, so...)

Top 7 Positive Things About Having Your Teeth Ripped Out Of Your Gums And Dealing With The Healing Process:

7. I actually got quite a few laughs at the physical condition of my face during the worst part of it, and I like making people laugh. So the Chipmunk Cheeks were pretty fun.

6. Being able to lay in bed all day and Watch as Much TV As I Wanted was pretty alright, and the not-having-to-feel-guilty-about-it part was good too.

5. Having Everything Brought To Me while laying or sitting down all day, now that was probably one of the better perks, even though after a while I got frustrated with not being able to do anything for myself...

4. Even thought I didn't eat that much food, Spoon Feeding Myself Yummy Smoothies was one of my favorite things to do, becuase they were all so good!

3. This one obviously gets third place because Getting School Off For Three Days, right before the busy time of the semester starts can be really relaxing and was a good time to mentally prepare myself. (even thought I hardly did any homework... ah ha ha....)

2. I think during my "healing process", because I wasn't allowed to eat any solid food, which cut out bread, pasta, meat, raw vegies, hard fruit, coffee, chocolate, candy and pretty much everything else that doesn't taste good blended or mushed, etc.... I ended up Losing Weight. I think around 5 or 6 pounds. So I decided to come up with a new diet. It's called the "Lose a tooth Lose a Pound!" diet, with a sister-diet (just in time for Christmas!!) called "Lose 2, Gain the Loss of 5!"

1. And the number one positive thing about getting my wisdom teeth pulled is the fact that I HAVE NAILS!!!! I haven't had nails ever! and I actually couldn't physically bite my nails for almost two weeks!! I mean they aren't the best right now, like thin and not very strong, but they are there!! I didn't actaully notice them until I scratched myself and then thought.. "Hey wait a minute! I SCRATCHED MYSELF!!! YEHAW!!!" well that's what is was like in my head anyway... But I am pretty happy about the things I gained during my experience, especailly the "lose a couple teeth, gain a few nails" part.

So that's it. And even though I'm kind of making fun of this experience, I'm just above all else glad that I didn't have any complications or problems. I mean things could have been so much worse. So I was pretty lucky!

lazily I write this...

2006-11-16T14:10:00.000-06:00

(this looks like a lazy painting...)

so I was going to list another ten things you might not know about me today, but then I got lazy, then I thought I'd give you five things I did today so far, because it requires less thinking...

1. I tried to sing at my voice lesson with my mouth only half open (which wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be, it actually start to hurt a bit)

2. I ate some surprisingly good corn/potato chowda for lunch from the small bistro at school.

3. I sent myself an email. (I'm having a lonely day, okay?)

4. I brought my antibiotics to school with me, so I was pretending to be House and keep them in my pocket all day and then every once and a while nonchalauntly open the bottle and pop one into my mouth... but I couldn't actually do it because I can't swallow pills dry like that, and also because I only take 1 while I'm at school. So it was only kind of fun.

5. I spent a good amount of time on the internet trying to find out how to do the "knit" stitch. I found some helpful videos and saved them to my flash drive. It was a blasty blast.

So that was about it during this boring day.

oh I forgot to mention that I got an 8.8/10 on a Music History paper, which beat my last 8.5/10, so that was encouraging. and when talking to my professor for that class he complimented me on my solid paper writing. HA! solid paper writing my butt. has anyone seen a paper that I've written? bad bad bad... anyway, I figure that it's at least good for my self-esteem to hear something good about myself, even if it is a music professor commenting on my (what I like to call) "writing" "skills" (yes, each of those words get their own "quotation" marks)

Daing....

2006-11-15T21:48:00.000-06:00

So today as I was picking up some drugs, oh I mean "medication" at the local pharmacist. Becky was with me and found it hard to comment on the side effects of the antibiotics I was getting. DAAIENG! was mentioned after the possible side effect of constipation... then followed by "I don't think I'll ever be able to be serious about anything." It actaully made my day.

Love you Bec

Double Frick!

2006-11-10T14:18:00.000-06:00

so here's my last few days in a nutshell:

-slept in wednesday morning
-had a surprisingly good breakfast
-phoned the dentist to see if they could fit me in for a check-up on my blasted wisdom teeth
-really didn't think it was going to happen
-1 phone call later had an appointment for 3:40pm
-went to the appointment thinking I was going to get a check-up
-a little surprised and confused when the word "extraction" was used more than once
-20 min later found myself sitting in a pretty comfortable chair, and noticed that my face was thoroughly frozen with the "Extractinator" looming over me
-then I heard the words "pass me the knife", and almost passed out
-a lot of pressure
-then the sound of one my teeth cracking into pieces, and being taken out
-I think the other tooth was in one piece, but it was a little stubborn, so it took just as long as the first one
-then I thought it was over
-sat up a bit, feeling like someone had just taken advantage of my poor mouth with a scauple
-was a little unsteady
-finally got home
-couldn't eat anything
-after pain killers and movies, went to bed and didn't sleep all night
-woke up the next day and spoon fed myself all meals
-watched a rediculous amount of television
-layed around
-went to bed and had more sleep... finally
-woke up, ate (well more like swallowed) breakfast
-watched too much tv
-layed around

and hardly talked during all of this... it was harder than I thought. and the pain still isn't over.

worst things about getting your wisdom teeth removed:
-having to change the bloody gauze every half an hour after the procedure
-not being allowed to eat good food
-forgetting to take more medication when you still feel okay so you don't have to sit through the pain for an hour waitng for the tylenol to kick in
-not being able to brush your teeth very well
-having to woosh salt water around in your mouth 4 times a day
- oh and feeling like a bloated-faced chipmunk who was run over by a car then smashed in the face with a two-by-four, resulting in a broken jaw.

I 'll tell you the good things after I'm recovered.

cheese moon

2006-11-07T21:48:00.000-06:00

this is what I found when I typed "cheese moon" into google images...

this girls artwork is actually pretty cool, check it out at http://www.susannahperry.com/

... if anyone is looking for christmas presents for me... (hint hint)

Man! Two Fridays?!

2006-11-03T09:29:00.000-06:00

You know that feeling when a Tuesdsy feels like a Wednesday, and then it throws off your whole week? Well that happened to me this week and it only makes sense that if you think that your Tuesday is your Wednesday, then your Wednesday is your Thursday, then your Thursday is your Friday... but then when you get to your actual Friday, it's definitely not Saturday because you would be sleeping in and maybe eating pancakes or something. So, this morning I woke up feeling like it was Saturday, but remembering it's Friday, but then thinking, wasn't it just Friday just yesterday? What the heck? So I basically had two Fridays this week, the first one obviously being the worst.
I don't even want to know what my weekend will be like...

So anyway, this got me to thinking about cheese. And how I love it. I acutally wrote a little "ode to cheese" about it. It goes like this:

Oh, Cheese
You make a meal dilectable
Where would macroni be without you?
You compliment the cracker
And complete the casserole
Grilled bread without you is like Christmas without presents
Poor broccoli without your creamy sauce is naked and lonely
Croissants call your name in a hope that you would cover them
You raise the fat content in food
But the flavour is unsurpassable
And you are a good source of dairy
Oh, Cheese
You have changed the face of food forever
What would we do without you?

Just between you and me...

2006-11-01T21:49:00.000-06:00

there was this guy in highschool that I had this huge crush on. later I found out that he liked me too, but nothing other than a lot of flirting and hugs came of it. he really was and is a great guy. as I type this he is actually training to become a great actor, or a broadway star or maybe something else. whatever it is, he sure has the talent. anyway, when I still did like him there was a point in our friendship where I was either jealous of the girls he would hang out with, or he wasn't paying any attention to me, or else he was really being a jerk. I'm not quite sure which one it was, but I know that it bothered me enough for me to write this, dedicated to him: (after reading it through again, I think I was intending it to be a rap... so have a funky rap beat in your mind when you read this)

It's called "Mr. Ego"

Woah little ego now, don't fly too high

You know mama's not gonna

catch you out of the sky

You don't know what you're doin

to your peeps all around

Breakin their hearts

Meanwhile destroyin what they found

I thought I knew you
but I didn't
I thought you knew me
but you don't
I thought that you would
change a little
I though that you would
but you won't

You were such a nice guy
Now where did you go?
You left us all alone
hopin that maybe you'd show
You kept us way too long
standing high on our toes
until we all thought a minute
and realized that this blows

I though I knew you
but I didn't
I thought you knew me
but you don't
I thought that you would
change a little
I thought that you would
but you won't

So, after I wrote this he somehow read this and was really hurt by it. I felt really bad, but I was just expressing myself! what else was I supposed to do? anyway, if that guy ever reads this again, I really am sorry, becuase I think you're gonna be great and no silly girl from highschool could change that, even if she was a jerk.

With You on The Moon

2006-10-20T13:50:00.000-05:00

(the song that inspired the blog)

I was dreaming a dream last night,
and much to my delight
I was wearing spandex on the moon
Wearning spandex on the moon

'Caught a ride on a shooting star
It didn't take me very far
I just want to be with you
wearing spandex on the moon

And babe, when we get there
I will take your hand
and guide you to where
we'll meet Mr. Sandman
And he'll dream us a dream
that'll take us far away
in our neon greens
where we will spend a day
wearing spandex on the moon
spandex on the moon

I just want to be with you, oh...
I just want to be with you
on the moon

I love the little things in life(good or bad), like...

2006-10-17T12:20:00.000-05:00

going out with friends

the awkwardness of running into old friends

watching people change

drivers waving thankyou after you let them infront of you

drivers flipin' you the bird when you don't let them infront of you
driving someone else's car

eating great food
making great food
going out for great food
watching cooking shows

putting on clean socks
seeing laundry hanging on a clothes line
wearing pj's fresh out of the dryer
clothes that are in the dryer too long that kind of smell burnt

watching a movie on a cold day with blankets and hot chocolate and sisters
paying too much at the movie theartre to see a stupid movie
renting movies and then forgetting to return them
watching a movie too many times

finding out you have more time than you think

spending time doing something you don't really want to do

having a dumb song stuck in your head for days

trying on clothes you know you won't ever purchase
getting hand-me-downs
wearing out your favourite pair of jeans
making a new outfit out of old clothes

laughing so hard you cry
the silence after a bad joke
being able to laugh at yourself
laughing in the wrong place at the wrong time

I'm a What?

2006-10-16T00:20:00.000-05:00

(this picture totally makes me nose look HUGE. no but seriously, I get it from my dad)

okay, so it turns out that I'm better than I thought. why did it take me so long to do something about it? who knows... maybe I was shy. so I'm kind of a smidget "out there" and now I don't know what to do. I just realized that I haven't actually said what I'm talking about.

I sang a few of my songs as an opening for Don Amero's CD release party... and it turns out that poeple liked me even more than I like myself... I'm kidding, I like myself a lot. But the over-all response to my music and my performing was more than I ever expected and filled me with emotion and inspiration. anyway, it got me to thinking that I could (maybe) do more...

i'm happy, and a little scared, and a little nervous because I think I might actaully do something about it, but I don't know when I'm starting because I don't actually know where to start, but I really do thank all those that supported me, you believed in me before I even did. that was the longest sentence ever... cynthia and corrie are probably cringing... ha ha... well maybe not.

so, does this mean I'm a rockstar? (ha ha... a joke) what would you even call me? I don't even know the style in which I sing and play.... hhmmm... help me out.

I'm a little excited, a little sick and a little over-tired...
(it seems that I'm like that all the time with Nick and I don't know how he hasn't given up on me yet)

that comment was totally out of context. but it's sometimes hard to believe that he still loves me, even though I tell him what he already knows all the time and I constantly make fun of him, and I make him drive halfway across the city to see me all the time and get him to take me out for breakfast, lunch and dinner... and even though he does all that willingly, I still can't believe it, is that what you call love? I mean, not the fact that he's spending all this time and money on me, but the act of sacrifice? I don't know. I just know that I don't deserve it and I'm incredibly lucky to have a guy like him, even though he washes his car too often. I love him. Let it be known. (this is my pookie below, and even though his eyes are closed and my sunglasses are crooked, I still like the picture, mostly becuase it's one of two that I have. Does anybody else have any pictures of us?)

Me: A Crock Pot kind of Gal

2006-10-12T13:38:00.000-05:00

Apparently the new thing now is to get married. I mean, not for everyone, but I think I have finally reached the age where this type of occurance happens quite regularily to people that I actaully know. I didn't think I would get here for another few years at least.
Within the last week, two fellow commuters got married (actually I don't know them at all, but I ate lunch with them once...) AND I also heard of THREE couples (most of whom I know personally) who got engaged! I mean, people are always getting engaged and I just happen to attend a Christian college that is well known as a "bridal college", so it's not really that rare. But it's a little weird when you know all the people who are getting hitched. I can't help but feel a little left out. (hee hee...)
I also thought it was weird because all of them are still in school, with one or more years of school left. When did people start getting married while still in shcool? I see it all the time now and it doens't really surprise me, and I'm also not a traditionalist or anything, but don't people usaully wait until after they're done school? And these people are young too! One younger than me and I'm only 20! I heard and seen first hand (and by that I mean seen from a distance my sibiling's marriages) that married life is usually a little bit stressful and busy in the beginning. First getting married, finding a place to live, then buying all the required furnishings and food and such for their new home. But then just think of adding school to that for one or even both of the two getting married. It's almost crazy.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's wrong to get married young, and to the people who do, as well as go to school and work and all that, kudos to you. I guess I just like things to be less busy and less stressful. I would rather wait until I was done school so I could concentrate on a new chapter of life like marriage. Like I said, I'm only 20 and I still have a lot of things to learn about myself, about life, about love and friendship, about responsibility, and more that I'm not even aware of right now. I think it's important to sort these things out for myself before I get someone else involved. Though some of those things can be learned together, a lot of them have to do with self-discovery and independance; basically getting to know yourself and growing up a bit. (the rephrasing was for me, not you)
I guess what I'm trying to say is: what's the rush? I like slow cookers. They take their time, and use the natural juices of the food in which they are cooking to create moistness and flavour and yummy goodness... mmm... Doesn't that sound good?
Taking it slow can be good too.

* I wouldn't recommend taking it as slow as not kissing for the first eight months of a relationship (ha ha, jokes on me), but all those who I had mentioned about getting engaged were infact engaged around 8 months into their relationships. (no joke there)
**while I was looking for pictures of crockpots, I Googled "what do crock pots do?" in Google Images... haha. Try it and look what picture it brings up, #2 of the second row. How random is that?

10 Things you might not know about me: Part 2

2006-10-06T20:44:00.000-05:00

1. I'm a procrastinator. (it sucks, but I'm not gonna do anything about it)

2. Halloween is just around the corner which reminds me... I LOVE ROCKETS!! I can eat them until my tongue bleeds... yum... (not the blood, the rockets)

3. I hate conflict with a passion... whenever people are in a big disagreement with eachother, or at odds with one another, my stomach starts churning... it's not a great thing.

4. My short term memory sucks. (well sometimes just my memory in general sucks)

5. I love this one drink at Starbucks Coffee so much... it's called a Blackberry, Green Tea Frappuccino. oh it's so delicious. (the only downer is that it costs over 4 dollars... but I splurge sometimes, it's worth it)

6. I'm a nail biter... and I bad one too. It bites... literally.

7. I love brushing my teeth so much, sometimes I brush them three times a day. But you can't really tell...

8. Spearmint gum gives me a headache and I don't know why. And I also get a small stomach ache if I eat a banana or drink a glass of chocolate milk too fast... it's wierd man.

9. I am very emotional. I mean I cry at anything, although I hide it pretty good.

10. If I shower everyday, it dries out my skin, so I only shower every second to third day. It's acutally healthier to be a little dirty, did you know that? I'm not just making it up to cover my butt, it's true.

day dreaming at night...

2006-09-25T22:17:00.000-05:00

He kissed her forehead as she sighed, it had been a long day. Enjoyable, exciting and fun, but long. They were both exhausted and ready to sleep, but she, without warning, propped herself up on one elbow and looked him in the eyes with a serious yet playful smile.
"Are you afraid of talking about marriage?" she asked, still smiling.
Slightly taken aback, he looked across the room to ponder this suddenly, off-topic question. After a minute, while she stared intently at him waiting for an answer, he shook his head "No", which made her smile even more. He had noticed that she smiled a lot and he loved that about her.
"No", he finally said aloud. "Why? Do you want to get married?"
She giggled at this, a little embarrassed but otherwise happy that he could talked about it comfortably. What a silly question, she thought, of course I want to get married.
"Well, maybe someday", was her reply. But then she added, "Do you think you'll marry me ?"
And almost without any hesitation he asked her, "Well, why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know", was the only automatic phrase that her shocked brain would let her voice. To be truthful, she had never thought about it before. Why shouldn't he marry her?
And then something changed. She didn't know what. Maybe it was the tone in his voice that seemed different to her, or the unplanned conversation. It could have been the position of the moon for all she knew, but it was neither awkward or uncomfortable, it was just... different. She wondered if he had noticed it too, but the silence suddenly reminded her that she hadn't answered his question.
"I haven't thought up a good reason yet!" she grinned, only half joking. But he just laughed and held her closer.

10 Things You Might Not Know About Me: Part 1

2006-09-22T13:48:00.000-05:00

(this picture montage is a little weird, but whatever)

1. I kind of like the after-taste of the combination of freshly brushed teeth and orange juice. Weird, I know...

2. I love driving long distances (except for in the mountains.)

3. Autumn is actually my favourite season.

4. If I could meet with any artist right now to discuss song writing and music composition, it would be Rufus Wainwright.

5. I don't really like mustaches.

6. I like seafood just as much as I like paper-cutting myself in between my fingers. (with fish as an exception)

7. My biggest dream is to be a professional musician. I want to write songs and compose music and share it with the world.

8. I actually like animals quite a bit, but I'm not ready to own one yet.

9. I'm becoming more familiar with cheeses. I love them, not all of them, but I've tried a lot of new ones in the last year or so, and my love for cheese is growing.

10. I don't really like to wear make-up. I'm wearing mascara right now, but I just find it time consuming and pointless most of the time. I mean I like the way I look when I'm all made up, but the truth of the matter is it's not the real me and I hate washing it off every night. Not to mention it costs a lot.

Sick in the Head... Literally

2006-09-21T12:56:00.000-05:00

What kind of sick joke is waking up with a cold?
I mean, I wonder if Jesus ever felt fine one day and then woke up with a full-blown cold the morning. Probably not. Perfect beings don't have to put up with this crap. Unfair.
And it seems whenever I do get a cold it always sets up camp in my head. I can only remember one other cold I had that wasn't in my head... But why is that? Is my body immune to all other colds but head colds? And if you have ever had one, they are the worst ones to get. All the symptoms have you either bed ridden or 'on the couch all day' ridden. And it hurts to read or look at anything closely, and you can really do without loud noises, and bright lights are irritating, and stupid, nonsence conversations are like the devil....
I wishI could just get one of those colds that has you coughing for three weeks afterward. At least you can get used to that, and start ignoring it after a while. But no, I have to sit in my bed and do nothing. And then everything around you starts feeling sick too. The sheets and pillow cases all of the sudden feel like the plague is attached to them, and the glass that you use to sallow your head medicine has to be washed everytime you use it, and even the clothes you wear feel dirty, even if you just put them on that morning...
I don't really get sick that often, but it always seems to get me where it hurts the most... Like all colds do.

Oh, Brain...

2006-09-19T14:21:00.000-05:00

There are only some things I understand. The rest of it all scares the crap out of me. This is how I feel just about everyday. I believe that my left brain is almost not there. My right brain has almost no relationahip with my left brain, and those of you who know me see that this is very obvious.
Although, my right brain is quite smart. Smart enought to make others think that I do in fact have a fully functioning left brain that converses with the other side and that they are good friends, but that is a lie.
Some people are lucky enough to have both sides working together in an orderly fashion. Those are lucky people. But looks at these characteristics:

Left Brain
Logical (not me)
Sequential (mmm.... not me)
Rational (only somtimes, with help from others)
Analytical (okay, I am very much this, but not out loud)
Objective (nope)
Looks at parts (haha... I wish)

Right Brain
Random (HA! random is my middle name)
Intuitive (most of the time true)
Holistic (I think in holistic terms all the time. it's pretty darn annoying sometimes)
Synthesizing (mmhmmmm)
Subjective (I am the biggest follower there is... )
Looks at wholes ( I hate this about my self sometimes. can be overwhelming)

Anyway, this is my problem.... too right brained... it's frustrating. And now I have to go work on Music Theory. ugh.... I think I just felt my right brain twitch. And my left brain isn't even moving. Great.

2006-09-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

my attempt at poetry...

there are times when I think about not having you
and my heart aches.
I mean, really aches.
when I think about you I hold you in my mind
as long as I can
and hope not to lose you
over another silly, insignificant thought.
you remind me that I'm something worth loving.

I Wish I Had a Pomegranate

2006-09-15T11:26:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to feel the negative effects of school already, and it's only been two weeks, not even. I can't pinpoint what it is, but a place I once loved enough to call home is feeling suddenly empty and unloveable. This is the part about change I hate. I can't even relate to this place anymore and I feel unconnected. This is an unhappy day for me and I wish I had a pomegranate. I think it would help a little more. But the sad and true fact is, they are not in season anymore.

But I thought it would be a good idea for me to make a list of reasons why I love pomegranates so much. Hopefully it will help me to take my mind off the unhappiness of things...

10 Things I Love About Pomegranates:

1. They are like little presents; you crack them open and there are little beads of juicey goodness just waiting for you to crunch down and enjoy.

2. They taste amazing, even if they are a little unripe they're still good. And I love how you can't quite compare them to any other fruit; they are totally unique.

3. Pomegranates are the key ingredient to grenadine, and who doesn't like grenadine?

4. They come (mostly) from the Mediterranean region of the world which gives them that exotic feel.

5. In the Bible the pomegranate is a symbol of eternal life and fertility.

6. When they are in season they're not that expensive.

7. The pomegranate tree is revered for it's beauty, seen here: http://www.botany.wisc.edu/garden/db/plantimages/Punica_Granatum_L1.JPG

8. They are very healthy for you.

9. They have such a wonderful, vibrant colour, how could you not be attracted to them?

10. They are so much fun to eat! Messy and dangerous, but yummy. And you eat the seeds! Just like strawberries!

Confused, A Little Shocked and Sick to My Stomach

2006-09-14T14:55:00.000-05:00

This is how I felt when I swallowed my gum during class today. I was so taken aback, mostly because I haven't fallen victim to stupid-mouth-syndrom in a long time but also because it was in the middle of my Mission Issues Today class, where I was sitting alone with no one to support me through this moment of panic. This is how it played out:

chew chew (yum winter fresh!)
chew... prepare for bubble... bubble
post bubble
back in mouth
syliva.. too much...
swallow- UGH!! MOMENTARY SHOCK!!
PANIC! NO! this isn't happening to me! (denial)
wait! where did it go? why is this happening?? ARRG!! (anger)
GUM!! please come back! I'll stop blowing bubbles with you! I promise!! (bargaining)
FINE THEN!! stay in my throat! I don't want to chew you anyway!!*tear* (depression)
(2 min. later) okay, okay... you're gone I know, I can deal with this. I'll just have to be careful next time I'm chewing you. I can do this! I will chew gum again! (acceptance)

Yes, it was this exciting. And I don't think anyone saw me. But I still feel a little sick. I even had something to drink, but it didn't help. Oh the woes of me

Today

2006-09-14T10:39:00.000-05:00

Some one once gave me a journal with the words "express yourself" on the first page. At the time I thought it was incredibly simple and meaningful all at the same time, and it still sort of is to me. But I didn't think that I would have so much trouble doing so in the proceeding pages of this journal. This was all about two or three years ago that this took place, and I still haven't written a word in the journal. It seems so perfect with blank pages, but I think I'm just scared. Scared to mess it up, or scared to look back and think "Why did I write this crap down?" or "What on earth would make me think this was clever or funny". I've thought these things as I've looked over my other journals, and it's like I'm almost scared of myself.
My older sister one time told me about how she feels like she had a future and past self that, in some other universe parallel to ours (at least I think that's how she explained it...) and what ever her past self does effects her present self as well as her future self. And if you are understanding this, kudos to you. Anyway, she would sometimes say to herself, while preparing something a week in advance, "Oh, "Future Corrie" will be so happy when she see's that this is done for her!" It always made me laugh. And then I realized that I had been doing that for years I has just never noticed, or maybe I thought it was too silly to voice.
So, I then came back to this journal. The journal itself look like it was more than just a few dollars and has the type of pages that are not easily ripped out if one is unhappy with their ramblings. And then it dawned on me: why am I so scared to be myself? So what if I look back on "Past Kim" and even be a little embarassed about what I wrote down? Everyone is a little bit embarassed of me anyway, that's me! I think I just had a hard time being happy with who I was, and who I am, and who I'm going to be. I do care about "Future Kim", but not enough to write down what I think she'd like to hear, or what I think would make her laugh, that just takes to much effort. I mean I know for a fact that she is just as wierd and silly as "Present Kim" and that if they were to spend a day together, the would get along very well. And I know that she will be okay with what decisions I will make today, because she has no choice in the matter.

I just realized I was talking about myself. That is wierd.