day dreaming at night...

He kissed her forehead as she sighed, it had been a long day. Enjoyable, exciting and fun, but long. They were both exhausted and ready to sleep, but she, without warning, propped herself up on one elbow and looked him in the eyes with a serious yet playful smile.
"Are you afraid of talking about marriage?" she asked, still smiling.
Slightly taken aback, he looked across the room to ponder this suddenly, off-topic question. After a minute, while she stared intently at him waiting for an answer, he shook his head "No", which made her smile even more. He had noticed that she smiled a lot and he loved that about her.
"No", he finally said aloud. "Why? Do you want to get married?"
She giggled at this, a little embarrassed but otherwise happy that he could talked about it comfortably. What a silly question, she thought, of course I want to get married.
"Well, maybe someday", was her reply. But then she added, "Do you think you'll marry me ?"
And almost without any hesitation he asked her, "Well, why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know", was the only automatic phrase that her shocked brain would let her voice. To be truthful, she had never thought about it before. Why shouldn't he marry her?
And then something changed. She didn't know what. Maybe it was the tone in his voice that seemed different to her, or the unplanned conversation. It could have been the position of the moon for all she knew, but it was neither awkward or uncomfortable, it was just... different. She wondered if he had noticed it too, but the silence suddenly reminded her that she hadn't answered his question.
"I haven't thought up a good reason yet!" she grinned, only half joking. But he just laughed and held her closer.

10 Things You Might Not Know About Me: Part 1

(this picture montage is a little weird, but whatever)

1. I kind of like the after-taste of the combination of freshly brushed teeth and orange juice. Weird, I know...

2. I love driving long distances (except for in the mountains.)

3. Autumn is actually my favourite season.

4. If I could meet with any artist right now to discuss song writing and music composition, it would be Rufus Wainwright.

5. I don't really like mustaches.

6. I like seafood just as much as I like paper-cutting myself in between my fingers. (with fish as an exception)

7. My biggest dream is to be a professional musician. I want to write songs and compose music and share it with the world.

8. I actually like animals quite a bit, but I'm not ready to own one yet.

9. I'm becoming more familiar with cheeses. I love them, not all of them, but I've tried a lot of new ones in the last year or so, and my love for cheese is growing.

10. I don't really like to wear make-up. I'm wearing mascara right now, but I just find it time consuming and pointless most of the time. I mean I like the way I look when I'm all made up, but the truth of the matter is it's not the real me and I hate washing it off every night. Not to mention it costs a lot.

Sick in the Head... Literally

What kind of sick joke is waking up with a cold?
I mean, I wonder if Jesus ever felt fine one day and then woke up with a full-blown cold the morning. Probably not. Perfect beings don't have to put up with this crap. Unfair.
And it seems whenever I do get a cold it always sets up camp in my head. I can only remember one other cold I had that wasn't in my head... But why is that? Is my body immune to all other colds but head colds? And if you have ever had one, they are the worst ones to get. All the symptoms have you either bed ridden or 'on the couch all day' ridden. And it hurts to read or look at anything closely, and you can really do without loud noises, and bright lights are irritating, and stupid, nonsence conversations are like the devil....
I wishI could just get one of those colds that has you coughing for three weeks afterward. At least you can get used to that, and start ignoring it after a while. But no, I have to sit in my bed and do nothing. And then everything around you starts feeling sick too. The sheets and pillow cases all of the sudden feel like the plague is attached to them, and the glass that you use to sallow your head medicine has to be washed everytime you use it, and even the clothes you wear feel dirty, even if you just put them on that morning...
I don't really get sick that often, but it always seems to get me where it hurts the most... Like all colds do.

Oh, Brain...

There are only some things I understand. The rest of it all scares the crap out of me. This is how I feel just about everyday. I believe that my left brain is almost not there. My right brain has almost no relationahip with my left brain, and those of you who know me see that this is very obvious.
Although, my right brain is quite smart. Smart enought to make others think that I do in fact have a fully functioning left brain that converses with the other side and that they are good friends, but that is a lie.
Some people are lucky enough to have both sides working together in an orderly fashion. Those are lucky people. But looks at these characteristics:

Left Brain
Logical (not me)
Sequential (mmm.... not me)
Rational (only somtimes, with help from others)
Analytical (okay, I am very much this, but not out loud)
Objective (nope)
Looks at parts (haha... I wish)

Right Brain
Random (HA! random is my middle name)
Intuitive (most of the time true)
Holistic (I think in holistic terms all the time. it's pretty darn annoying sometimes)
Synthesizing (mmhmmmm)
Subjective (I am the biggest follower there is... )
Looks at wholes ( I hate this about my self sometimes. can be overwhelming)

Anyway, this is my problem.... too right brained... it's frustrating. And now I have to go work on Music Theory. ugh.... I think I just felt my right brain twitch. And my left brain isn't even moving. Great.

my attempt at poetry...

there are times when I think about not having you
and my heart aches.
I mean, really aches.
when I think about you I hold you in my mind
as long as I can
and hope not to lose you
over another silly, insignificant thought.
you remind me that I'm something worth loving.

I Wish I Had a Pomegranate

I'm starting to feel the negative effects of school already, and it's only been two weeks, not even. I can't pinpoint what it is, but a place I once loved enough to call home is feeling suddenly empty and unloveable. This is the part about change I hate. I can't even relate to this place anymore and I feel unconnected. This is an unhappy day for me and I wish I had a pomegranate. I think it would help a little more. But the sad and true fact is, they are not in season anymore.

But I thought it would be a good idea for me to make a list of reasons why I love pomegranates so much. Hopefully it will help me to take my mind off the unhappiness of things...

10 Things I Love About Pomegranates:

1. They are like little presents; you crack them open and there are little beads of juicey goodness just waiting for you to crunch down and enjoy.

2. They taste amazing, even if they are a little unripe they're still good. And I love how you can't quite compare them to any other fruit; they are totally unique.

3. Pomegranates are the key ingredient to grenadine, and who doesn't like grenadine?

4. They come (mostly) from the Mediterranean region of the world which gives them that exotic feel.

5. In the Bible the pomegranate is a symbol of eternal life and fertility.

6. When they are in season they're not that expensive.

7. The pomegranate tree is revered for it's beauty, seen here: http://www.botany.wisc.edu/garden/db/plantimages/Punica_Granatum_L1.JPG

8. They are very healthy for you.

9. They have such a wonderful, vibrant colour, how could you not be attracted to them?

10. They are so much fun to eat! Messy and dangerous, but yummy. And you eat the seeds! Just like strawberries!

Confused, A Little Shocked and Sick to My Stomach

This is how I felt when I swallowed my gum during class today. I was so taken aback, mostly because I haven't fallen victim to stupid-mouth-syndrom in a long time but also because it was in the middle of my Mission Issues Today class, where I was sitting alone with no one to support me through this moment of panic. This is how it played out:

chew chew (yum winter fresh!)
chew... prepare for bubble... bubble
post bubble
back in mouth
syliva.. too much...
swallow- UGH!! MOMENTARY SHOCK!!
PANIC! NO! this isn't happening to me! (denial)
wait! where did it go? why is this happening?? ARRG!! (anger)
GUM!! please come back! I'll stop blowing bubbles with you! I promise!! (bargaining)
FINE THEN!! stay in my throat! I don't want to chew you anyway!!*tear* (depression)
(2 min. later) okay, okay... you're gone I know, I can deal with this. I'll just have to be careful next time I'm chewing you. I can do this! I will chew gum again! (acceptance)

Yes, it was this exciting. And I don't think anyone saw me. But I still feel a little sick. I even had something to drink, but it didn't help. Oh the woes of me

Today

Some one once gave me a journal with the words "express yourself" on the first page. At the time I thought it was incredibly simple and meaningful all at the same time, and it still sort of is to me. But I didn't think that I would have so much trouble doing so in the proceeding pages of this journal. This was all about two or three years ago that this took place, and I still haven't written a word in the journal. It seems so perfect with blank pages, but I think I'm just scared. Scared to mess it up, or scared to look back and think "Why did I write this crap down?" or "What on earth would make me think this was clever or funny". I've thought these things as I've looked over my other journals, and it's like I'm almost scared of myself.
My older sister one time told me about how she feels like she had a future and past self that, in some other universe parallel to ours (at least I think that's how she explained it...) and what ever her past self does effects her present self as well as her future self. And if you are understanding this, kudos to you. Anyway, she would sometimes say to herself, while preparing something a week in advance, "Oh, "Future Corrie" will be so happy when she see's that this is done for her!" It always made me laugh. And then I realized that I had been doing that for years I has just never noticed, or maybe I thought it was too silly to voice.
So, I then came back to this journal. The journal itself look like it was more than just a few dollars and has the type of pages that are not easily ripped out if one is unhappy with their ramblings. And then it dawned on me: why am I so scared to be myself? So what if I look back on "Past Kim" and even be a little embarassed about what I wrote down? Everyone is a little bit embarassed of me anyway, that's me! I think I just had a hard time being happy with who I was, and who I am, and who I'm going to be. I do care about "Future Kim", but not enough to write down what I think she'd like to hear, or what I think would make her laugh, that just takes to much effort. I mean I know for a fact that she is just as wierd and silly as "Present Kim" and that if they were to spend a day together, the would get along very well. And I know that she will be okay with what decisions I will make today, because she has no choice in the matter.

I just realized I was talking about myself. That is wierd.