Olympics

Well, I hardly have time to blog. Between going to the cabin, working on our patio, having fun with Aali and watching the Olympics, I don't have much time for anything else!

But here's a quick thought; I love watching people doing what they seem to be created to do. I get this feeling when I'm watching someone be who they are, almost raw, and vulnerable. I see it a lot in the arts. Watching a John Mayer concert one time I got emotional watching him sing (I forget what song) or play this amazing lick, it was obvious this was the best of him. The natural ability, the love of what he was doing and the pleasure and satisfaction he got from it. It moved me to tears.

Watching the Team gymnastics (men's and women's) brought out the same emotions in me. Anyone who knows me is aware of my emotions, I can't help but express myself when I feel a wave of them. I'm okay with it, it's who I am. These athletes, who have worked SO hard, trained SO hard and push the limits on everything they do, AND to have grace and ease while they are performing, or competing is one of the most amazing things to watch. It comes so easy to them, like breathing. And when they perform and out-do themselves you can see the satisfaction and joy and pride, and it's truly inspiring. It quickened my heart, and gave me shivers and made me well up, just like a good song. It made me want to be like them, not what they do, but how they feel about what they do. I'd like to be like that.

Dominique Pegg for Canada

Our little Loon...

Ink

I've been wanting to do it for a while now, so I booked a consult at the tattoo studio down the street for my birthday. It was only a two month wait, and that two months seemed to fly by!
I got a tattoo of the Holy Spirit dove. I always loved the idea that God sent a part of himself to be with us after Jesus ascended. "God with us" is what runs through my mind when I picture the symbol of the dove.

This was my inspiration image

And this is my finished tattoo!

The inspiration image was a little bit too serious looking, so I like how my tattoo artist made it a bit 'lighter'. And I'm very happy with it. While I was cleaning it this morning I was afraid it was going to wash off, but then I realized it's gonna be there forever. And then I Laughed Out Loud.

4 Years Ago Today...

... At this time (11:45am), I think Cynthia was photographing us at the Cathedral on Tache
... I was already exhausted, and the show hadn't even started
... Nicholas and I were all smiles and giggles all day long
... I felt like a million bucks, and Nicholas was the most attractive I'd ever seen him
... I was surrounded by all my favourite people in the world, less a few...
... I was hungry most of the day
... I was astonished at what we had accomplished as a family
... I was waiting, and waiting
... I was emotionally spent by the end of the ceremony
... I laughed until I cried at my father's speech
... I danced the night away
... I was married

It still feels like yesterday. I hope I feel this was for many years to come :)

Happy Baby, Happy Dog, Happy Me

Aali, Neko and I were finally able to escape to the cabin this week. I was a little worried about taking baby and dog by myself, but it proved to be easier than I expected. And I'm SO glad I did.

It was just a couple of days, but beautiful ones. Just enough heat, sun and breeze, and good cabin food. We actually got to float in the water and sun bathe for a while and it reminded me of simpler days as a kid when all I had to worry about was getting a sunburn.

I feel so relaxed, and Aali is happy, tired in a good way and a little more browner,  Neko is totally flaked out somewhere in the house after getting a lot of good exercise, and this rainy day is a nice break of the sun and heat.

Aunty Becky taking Aali swimming

Playing in the sand

Neko drying off in the sun

I hope we can do it all again soon.

I Secretly Think Aali Is A Baby Genius

This did actually happen: I was washing a few dishes while Aali was playing in our living room. She will often find a remote control for the TV and push the buttons, and because the "On" button is big and red, she tends to turn the TV on and off. So, I heard this happening and looked over to see she had turned the TV on and was surfing channels which then stopped precisely on a cartoon!
It's not a joke, this is what I saw! Haha!

I think she's smarter than she lets on....

Party Debrief

This past weekend we hosted two celebrations at our house. As small as our house is, I was surprised at how well both parties went; lots of people, little space... Good thing our extended family is close!

To be honest, I LOVED every minute! We started on Friday with a family birthday for Aali. It was a sort of come and go thing, which worked out well. The early people were leaving as the later people arrived. It was busy and loud and fun. I love a full house, especially when it's mine.

After lounging and resting on Saturday, Mother's Day plans changed last minute and we ended up hosting the lunch at our place. Seeing as the decor was still up, a few last minute changes (adding and re-adjusting a "Happy Birthday" banner to say "Happy Mother's Day"!) made the place ready for a different celebration. Again, good food, happy chatter, kids running, dogs barking, hugs and laughter.

I don't think I realized, until we had a place of our own, how much pleasure I get from entertaining. At both celebrations I was able to just sit and watch as people helped themselves to our fridge and came and went, backyard to living room, upstairs and around. And the toilet seemed to be constantly flushing. It's funny how all those things are comforting to me, granted I love my alone time too. I had to recover after both parties, but it was all so much fun.

I hope everyone who came felt well taken care of and comfortable in my home.  I'm not %100 amazing at  entertaining yet (the lack of kleenex in my house, no plates at one point, too few chairs, annoying dog...) But you have to know I love it! I hope to do even more as the years go on.

What's better than getting together with family and friends? Not much. Not much at all.

Happy Birthday

There's a sweet little girl sleeping in the room next to me. She has the sweetest little face, big eyes and a temper. She smiles when I smile, and laughs when I laugh. I think she's smarter than she lets on. I love her to pieces, and I hope she'll know that she's loved, immensely. She's turned one year old today. I can't help but feel like a proud mama. Happy Birthday Monkey :)

Birthday Happy

Well, seeing as that last post was pretty depressing, I decided a pick-me-up was in order. And what a pick-me-up my birthday was! I turned 26 on May 2, and I thought 25 (it being a quater of a century and all) was a big deal, apparently everyone else was surprised and even disbelieved I was 26, my father included...

Anyway, I actually didn't have plans for my birthday. My husband, love him to death, didn't plan anything for me until later in the day, so I thought I'd be spending time at home with the little monkey, just me and her. But by noon I had a sitter, I was booked at Ten Spa for a pedi, and Nicholas decided birthday  sushi would be good. We ended off the day with out weekly bible study with a few young adults from church, who surprised me with cake and flowers and a hand-made card. It was wonderful.

It ended up being one of the best birthdays I could ask for! I guess the unexpectedness of it all was a gift in itself. So, I decided to take a few pics to commemorate it all...

My pedicure! The nail polish was actually called "happy birthday"
Thanks again Chels!

Feeling very refreshed, beautiful and happy after the steam room and pedi :)

On the way home from the spa, Chelsea and I stopped at Danier
to buy this bag I've always wanted.

Nicholas and I went to Yuki Sushi on Main st. DE-lish!

These are my beautiful flowers.

And some yummy cake!

I also had a family birthday supper last night, and that was the best! Nothing like being surrounded by the people you love. I'm a bit birthday happy :)

Attack

It's been almost a whole year.
I guess I should've known it would happen again.
It's so sneaky. I think I'm okay, then the next minute, I'm not.
I try to talk myself out of it... "I'm better than this! Just breathe!"
But it slowly builds and starts to take over my world.
Then I can't breathe.
As much air as I'm taking in, you'd think I'd pass out, but it's not enough.
I see darkness trying to creep over my vision.
Fresh air doesn't help.
Everything is wrong. "But there is no reason to panic!" I tell myself.
I'm hot. And cold. And dizzy. I don't think it is going to stop.
I look for him, my husband, watching me from our bed.
He doesn't know how to help. He can't feel how out of control I am.
But I need him. I get off the floor and find my way to the bed.
I can't control the breathing.
I lay beside him. He's warm.
His arms surrounds me, and his steady hand starts to circle my back.
He's done this before. He knows how to chase away the panic that has taken over.
I don't know what I'd do without him at this point.
I concentrate on the slow, steady circles. My heart begins to slow.
My mind stops spinning, and I realize how tired I am.
How long has it been? Did I wake the baby?
My breathing starts to become manageable.
But my head is pounding.
Sleep. I just want sweet sleep.


He called from work this morning to see how I was.

I was hoping it was just a nightmare.