I don't know why I get a headache when I don't eat enough. I will get the normal stomach growls and hunger feeling, then it's like it all disappears from my gut and goes to my head.
I've been cutting down on my food intake this week, well today is the first day I guess. Anyway, I cut all sugar from my diet, and I think that is what is causing me this head pain. Could I really have withdrawal from chocolate?! It has been a constant food group this holiday season...
I told one of my co-workers that she should watch out for me on Wednesday. It is day three of the cleanse and the worst day of 5. It's like your body starts to hate on you for the lack of yummy treats and wheaty things. And you start to wonder "Why? Why am I doing this to myself?" And the only time you actually feel "good" is when you're sleeping because your brain is turned off. And even when you try to ignore it, the cravings turn into anger. You know you can't have that juice, or that piece of fruit and the frustration of it starts building up inside. And sounds start to annoy you, and people start getting on your nerves, then you snap at your husband for saying something totally normal!
"I want to do this". 24 hours ago it seemed like a sensible thing. Now, I'm questioning myself. Do I really need to lose a few pounds? I'm not fat by any means. I wanted to feel healthier. Or did I just want to shed my unwanted love handles before Cuba... I guess both.
I think I'm starting to understand that I have the weakest will in the world. I complain about my pudge a lot, and when I finally kickstart a change I can't deal with the sacrifice; food. It's not that I'm obsessed with it, but I love, love, love certain things. Bread and chocolate, and apple juice, all of which I can't have for five days. Four days. I think I know I'll feel better about myself when this is all over with, but I'm not happy right now.
But don't worry dad, I did get my heart rate up today, and Neko's happier for it.
I just want. And I don't need. Four days. Me and my gut are frustrated.
