Monday, January 09, 2012

Food Headache...

Or I guess it's a no-food headache.

I don't know why I get a headache when I don't eat enough. I will get the normal stomach growls and hunger feeling, then it's like it all disappears from my gut and goes to my head.

I've been cutting down on my food intake this week, well today is the first day I guess. Anyway, I cut all sugar from my diet, and I think that is what is causing me this head pain. Could I really have withdrawal from chocolate?! It has been a constant food group this holiday season...

I told one of my co-workers that she should watch out for me on Wednesday. It is day three of the cleanse and the worst day of 5. It's like your body starts to hate on you for the lack of yummy treats and wheaty things. And you start to wonder "Why? Why am I doing this to myself?" And the only time you actually feel "good" is when you're sleeping because your brain is turned off. And even when you try to ignore it, the cravings turn into anger. You know you can't have that juice, or that piece of fruit and the frustration of it starts building up inside. And sounds start to annoy you, and people start getting on your nerves, then you snap at your husband for saying something totally normal!

"I want to do this". 24 hours ago it seemed like a sensible thing. Now, I'm questioning myself. Do I really need to lose a few pounds? I'm not fat by any means. I wanted to feel healthier. Or did I just want to shed my unwanted love handles before Cuba... I guess both.

I think I'm starting to understand that I have the weakest will in the world. I complain about my pudge a lot, and when I finally kickstart a change I can't deal with the sacrifice; food. It's not that I'm obsessed with it, but I love, love, love certain things. Bread and chocolate, and apple juice, all of which I can't have for five days. Four days. I think I know I'll feel better about myself when this is all over with, but I'm not happy right now.

But don't worry dad, I did get my heart rate up today, and Neko's happier for it.

I just want. And I don't need. Four days. Me and my gut are frustrated.

Saturday, January 07, 2012

morning post

I've noticed that my way of thinking in the morning is vastly different than at night. I really do like blogging later in the day... I don't know why really. Maybe I need to warm up, or let my day sink in... whatever.

Anyway, it's been a while! The Christmas/New year holiday was great. It was fun and oh so satisfying to be with the ones I love most in the world, and eat and drink and be very merry :) If I could just live in a perpetual state of holiday season for the rest of my life, it would be like heaven for me. And it doesn't seem to be ending for me! Just a couple weeks ago we booked an All Inclusive trip to Santa Maria, Cub
a (well, the island of Santa Maria) and I am SO excited! There is a part of me that feels guilty for doing all inclusive. It's just a little excessive, and maybe I am being selfish. But I guess I'm paying for it. It will be fu-UN though. Here is the list of people coming so far: Justin and Nicole, Melodie, Annika, Leia, Corrie, Daryl, Bec, Tom, Nick and I, and Cam P. It's gonna be a part-ay!!

Anyway, I have to start thinking of what to take. I don't usually overpack, but I'm so excited this time!! Nicholas will keep me in check. We're leaving in 13 days! Anyone else want to come? You're welcome t

Cuba Trip of 2012! Yay!