Friday, February 23, 2007

week by restless week

so, one week ago today I was feeling awfully sorry for myself and felt time passing ever so slowly. but then when I checked my blog for comments I found that it has been a whole weeks since my last post and found it interesting that in my real life time can feel just s l o w. but in the sweet, unrealistic and carefree world of blogging time has passed quite quickly. something I have a hard time understanding...

but thinking ahead to next friday, I will be in a state of complete bliss and carefreeness and relaxation; reading week. ahhh.... just the though of it makes me happy... almost serene. I don't think I have ever felt this way about a spring break before. I hope I don't pump it up so much and then dissapoint myself when it comes and it doens't live up to my expectations... I have to be careful. but my change of mind from last friday to today and thinking about next friday is surprising, and lifts my spirits.

but now I know I am just experiencing the "TGIF" feeling, and it will wear off tomorrow, when I remember all the homework to be done and things to catch up on... yes... tomorrow will be sad. But tonight. Tonight I will forget about my academic life and do whatever the crap I want. HA!

that's how I rebel.
this is my feel good painting for friday.
to get the full effect let the first song play while looking at the painting:

Friday, February 16, 2007


I'm so glad it's friday. man, this week has been long.
my schedule this semester is so spacey that at the end of one regular week, it feels like two has passed, but hasn't really... time is just moving so slowly for me at the moment, it's almost tortuous.
and my shoes are stinky. I just started to smell it. yuck. time for new shoes.
well that's all I have time for today. can't wait to sleep in tomorrow and do nothing for at least a few hours...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Oh Valentine's Day...

Well. What can I say? I'm wearing pink and red today; two colours I wouldn't usually wear together on a normal day, but I am festive.

So, this year I am glad to say that I am doing well in the "love department" (oh puke, I can't believe I just typed that... oh well, I'm not going to hit the backspace button a million times...)
But, four years ago today (for some reason or another) I remember being alone all Valentine's Day night. It was sad. And I was sad and alone, and the only thing I could do was sit down with my old eighty-eight key friend and express my sadness... I think this is was came out of it:

sitting alone in my empty house
with nothing to do
waiting on someone who never calls
why would you?

there's nothing for you here
you saw that first
sitting alone in my empty house
with nothing to do...

Anyway... I sure captured that moment. ha. good times.

But now that I'm in love I'm sure if anything comes out of me today it will be happy and all lovey-dovey, blah, blah, blah... I'm not even doing anything special tonight with Nick, I think we're watching a movie. yay. I might get some chocolates. We'll probably eat them all. yum.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Thursday, February 08, 2007


so. this has been my thought process for the last few months:
I write songs. I also write music to go with these songs. I want to make a CD. I don't have any money, and very little time to spend on all this. what if people don't like my music? what if people are critical of my writing? i might take it too personally if people don't like my music. I don't have a lot of confidence, but I know that when it comes down to it, my music is really all I have to express who I am; to express the "me" that not even my sisters see. so what do I do? start? with the little time and money I do have? put everything I have into this thought? that seems too scary to me. i don't want to do it for the wrong reasons either... what happens if I do make a CD and then it stops there? sure family and friends might buy it, but what about people who don't know me? will they like me? will they like my music?
I was reading Cynthia's blog yesterday about her worries for Abbi. I don't know what it is like to have a child, obviously, but of what I have learned and heard about it, it has become an analogy for this CD project. as a woman (and man...) creates a child, I will create this CD. with love and care and support from others I will put a lot of myself into this CD. through the whole process of writing the words and music I will begin to nurture this project and begin to give a part of me to the world. much like when a baby is born, so this CD will be released and subject to the criticisms of those that listen, and I will have made this part of me completely vulnerable to the world and its sometimes hateful eyes. And not only will I be worried about what people think about my creation, but I will worry about what they think of me, the creator... will I be liked? will my CD make a good impression? will those who witnessed me making it have criticise the way I did it?
like a woman has her first child, this will be my first CD. I don't know exactly how to do it! I will say, "Please don't judge it! Don't judge the way I made it and how I cared for it, and put my very self into it! This is a part of me! You judge it and you judge me! This is my first one! I don't know what I'm doing!"
some people think it comes so naturally... the words.. the music... and it does to a point, but then I have to step out of my comfort zone and open the door and try not to let anything bad in while I let the good out, and give it away. when a mother lets her child out of her safe arms and allows it to be subject to the world, it can hurt, the child and the mother, and I'm so afraid of what could happen with my music if I lay it out there for everyone to pick at. after all the time and energy and love and sweat and tears and all of myself I put into it...
I know I can't really compare this to a child, and I could never relate to Cynthia's worries at this time in my life. I'm just nervous, and I want to do this the right way, in the right timing. I just don't think I'm ready right now.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


I'm sick of school.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Yay! Friday!! I saved my favorite Monet for friday. It's called Water Lillies.

I think if I had a cd I would use this painting as the main artwork, or background on my cd,
I like it that much... but then I 'd have to come up with a theme... and then have all my songs relate to it somehow... an underlying message, you know, it would have to be a positive, mellow message and then I'd have to top it all off with a killer title... somethin that make a person look twice and want to open the cd, or turn it over... hm... that's gonna take a while...

here's the painting for you to look at while you're waiting:

Thursday, February 01, 2007

wow, thursday with 9 min left to it. that was close.... too close...

it looks very familiar to a painting that was in my piano teacher's house, when I took piano lessons of course, and I always liked it, I always wanted to walk along that bridge and look into the water... and maybe spit? I don't know... what else do you do when looking over a bridge?
anyway, I think I realized this actually wasn't the painting that I remembered after all. Ah, how I love pointless stories... they are the story of my life. and there's another one.

anyway, here's thursdays painting:
title: Water-Lily Pond, Green Harmony