Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Stand Still

It's interesting when something drastic, shocking or painful happens in life, the world keeps turning. In birth, in death... It seems like the world should stop. At least for a moment.
I've experienced both. A nephew being born, a grandfather passing... Both experiences had a profound effect on me. I feel as though the world should have at least paused for a moment to witness a great loss, or a beautiful miracle. But it doesn't.
I remember my numb brain after deaths and births in my family, watching strangers go about their business, wanting to stop them in the street and and tell them "I have a nephew! Isn't it a miracle?!", or in frustration as grief swallows me, wanting to shake them and yell, "What's wrong with you?? My uncle just died!! How can you just keep walking around like nothing happened??"
It's uncomfortable, the stand still, whether good or bad there is tension. In the last 5 years there have been 4 births and 4 losses in our family. A lot of change, some easy, some hard. But change is the key... In the moment of the stand still there is no change. No progress. No rewind. At least, my world seems to slow to a stop. Until the shock subsides, and the wound starts to heal and the excitement starts to wear off. The busy strangers around me start to look normal again and I, myself start to feel normal. It's hard being in the middle of this all, but harder yet for me to watch others go through it, to be one of those "people" who seem to be living life as if nothing has happened, like nothing has altered life for the those involved.
Life goes on amidst the stand still, and I guess somehow we all make it through the worst, and look forward to the joy.


Mom said...

Kimberly, I can hardly type this for the tears clouding my eyes. That is so profound and also comforting . Thanks for sharing your thoughts and soul with us this sad day. Love you lots and lots.

Terry's Girl said...

wow put a feeling into words like that. perfect. thank you.